Learning how to deal with regret takes practice.
Experts share how to acknowledge feelings of guilt from past mistakes/decisions and let go.
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Regardless of the source, the guilt and shame associated with regret can be devastating.
What is the root cause of regret?
Learning how to deal with regret and guilt requires understanding the reasons behind it.
clinical psychologist based in Australia
But regret can be a tricky, multi-faceted issue, saysDr.
Zack Goldman, LCSW.
You mightregret leaving a jobto work somewhere that doesnt have a positive company culture.
We make mistakes, and regretting them is a very common negative emotion.
Amy Silver, PsyD
People can be more sensitive to regret when it comes to protecting themselves over others.
Next, name the emotionis it a case of FOMO, or is it something deeper?
Similarly, you might be overlooking the positive outcomes of your decisions in favor of focusing on the negatives.
Dive into your negative thoughts and check their accuracy, says Dr. See if theres an alternative way of looking at how the situation panned out.
Or, maybe that job interview that flopped spared you from a would-be toxic work culture.
clinical psychologist based in Australia
Once you allow that imagination game to take hold, picture the positive potential, and acknowledge it.
Fielding, and dwelling too much on the past wont necessarily help your future.
Or, why didnt I do that?
But thats really not the case.
We are not unusual in our experience of making wrong choices, says clinical psychologistAmy Silver, PsyD.
We make mistakes, and regretting them is a very common negative emotion.
Its often helpful to give yourself a season of regretting it, suggests Thomas.
I think its just like the grieving cycle.
Depending on your situation, you could be in this stage for a while.
Regretting a haircut is going to look a lot different from regretting the way a relationship ended.
It feels terrible, but its familiar.
The idea is to figure out, What have I learned about what is important to me?
And perhaps this is the definition of being wise: Youre wiser because of the retrospective of your choices.
Consequently, the tiny, What if?
in the back of your mind becomes a more powerful sense of regret.
This might involve setting new goals, or making a plan to avoid similar situations in the future.
What are the four types of regret?
They can touch every major part of someones life, but especially health and wealth.
If we choose to see our feelings as messengers.
We can reflect on our feelings in effective ways that promote wisdom and help us learn about ourselves.
Shame is also a big component of moral regret along with guilt.
If you want to move past regret and shame, then you need tostop feeling guiltyand forgive yourself.
Examples of moral regrets include cheating, lying, or failing to stand up for whats right.
Moral regrets feel like a failure of character, of not living up to ones full potential.
But not everyone feels regret when they do something that might be perceived by others as morally wrong.
Boldness regrets
Boldness regrets come from missed opportunities due to fear or hesitation.
They involve not taking chances that could have led to growth or fulfillment, says Dr. Goldman.
A little fear is healthya therapist might tell you that fear and anxiety are the bodys yellow lights.
Theyre a warning to assess, but not an indication that you should necessarily stop or avoid action.
But in the case of boldness regret, fear won out when it might have been safe to proceed.
Work ontrusting yourselfand your intuition so you minimize your boldness regrets.
Dr. Goldman says we can feel connection regret when we fail to maintain or deepen connections with others.
They often stem from neglecting relationships or not resolving conflicts.
Why is regret so painful?
Regret can be one of the most painful emotions to deal with, both physically and emotionally.
Certain areas of your brain are stimulated by regret.
These areas are linked to feelings of anxiety and distress, says Dr. Goldman.
Thats why certain types of regret might lead to physical symptoms.
How to stop regretting past decisions
Experiencing regret isnt all bad.
There is a powerful opportunity within regret, saysGabrielle Morse, LMHC.
If we choose to see our feelings as messengers.
We can reflect on our feelings in effective ways that promote wisdom and help us learn about ourselves.
Dr. Goldman says that practicing a little self-compassion and self-forgiveness can go a long way.
Treat yourself with kindness and understanding rather than harsh self-criticism and recognize that everyone makes mistakes.
Shift your perspective to see the learning opportunities and growth that came from the experience.
Learning how to deal with regret after death can be tricky.
Does regret ever go away?
Whether or not someone can deal with regret and get past their feelings varies from person to person.
However, it may not entirely disappear, particularly if the regret involves significant life events or moral transgressions.
I this happens, seek professional support, Kushnir advises.
If regret significantly impacts your mental health.
A licensed therapist can provide you with strategies and support to manage your feelings.
Regret can be all-consuming, but it is not inevitable.
How long you live with regret is fully dependent on you and how you manage your emotions.
Selterman, Dylan, et al.
2023, https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-023-02573-y.
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