Playing the victim involves exaggerating victimhood to gain sympathy.
Here’s how to spot it and deal with someone who plays the victim.
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Maybe you feel like youre running out of advice to give them because of their seemingly endless misfortunes.
Meaning, theyre notreallya victim in all the circumstances they bemoan.
Rather, theyre downplaying their own role in contributing to those poor outcomes.
a trauma-informed therapist, podcaster, researcher, and author ofGaslighting Recovery for Women: The Complete Guide to Recognizing Emotional Manipulation and Achieving Freedom from Emotional Abuse.
What does it mean to play the victim?
Playing the victim pretty much means what it sounds like.
Why would someone play the victim?
Ironically, playing the victim may also help someone feel empowered.
It can give the illusion of being in control, says Dr. Vermani.
She adds that individuals who play the victim often struggle to self-empower in other ways.
How can you tell if someone is playing the victim?
Youll notice different behaviors in someone whos playing the victim versus someone whos actually a victim.
Whereas with actual victimhood, she says, theres more genuine trauma and a loss of control.
a trauma-informed therapist, podcaster, researcher, and author ofGaslighting Recovery for Women: The Complete Guide to Recognizing Emotional Manipulation and Achieving Freedom from Emotional Abuse.
Below, youll find 11 common signs from the experts that someone is playing the victim.
They spin these grand stories to garner additional sympathy, attention, and validation, she explains.
(All of the latter, after all, would require responsibility-taking and work on their end.)
What is the psychology of people who play the victim?
As noted above, mental health issues can also factor into victim behavior.
Beyond such mood disorders, Dr. Vermani points to dysfunctional households.
Is playing the victim narcissism?
This behavior reinforces their sense of entitlement and superiority while exploiting social dynamics to their advantage.
In this way, the narcissist uses victimhood to take advantage of other peoples sympathy.
How do you deal with someone who plays the victim?
Do a self check-in
The first step is acknowledging and taking stock of how youre doingwith self-compassion.
(Two things can be true at once.)
But Dr. Hafeez encourages you to try.
Focus on facts and reality rather than getting caught up in their exaggerated narratives, she says.
After all, their behavior may stem from deep-seated emotional pain or unresolved psychological issues, says Dr. Hafeez.
Acknowledge their feelings while gently challenging distortions in their stories, she suggests.
Remember that their behavior is not a reflection of your worth or capabilities.
Conversely, spending time with people who fill your cup can revitalize you.
How do I stop playing victim?
Experts outline steps to take below.
Identify signs of this behavior
Psychoeducation is key.
Remind yourself of your internal locus of control.
The answers that arise can empower you to act, rather than simply claiming victim status.
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