Relationship experts shared 20 questions to build emotional intimacy with a partner.
See what questions couples should ask each other here.
Making a purchase through our links may earn Well+Good a commission
Burrito bowls or burgers for dinner?
Did you call the plumber?
Did the dog have a bowel movement?
The more entangled your life gets with your partner, the more commonplace these types of questions become.
psychotherapist and founder of Deeper Well Therapy
Her golden rule for knowing a given question fits the bill?
Read on for 20+ therapist-backed questions to ask your partner to build emotional intimacy.
What does it mean to be emotionally connected?
Its the knowing nod you give your cousin across the Thanksgiving table when the narrow-minded Uncle starts yapping.
Its the long hug your bestie gives you without having to be asked explicitly.
Emotional intimacy is the deep sense of closeness that results from themutualsharing of innermost feelings and thoughts.
(No, emotional connection and emotional intimacy are not the samethough, well get to that below).
What are some examples of emotional intimacy?
It is something that is built over time, she says.
psychotherapist and founder of Deeper Well Therapy
Its in this space of trust-fed vulnerability, that deep emotional intimacy can begin to grow.
Why is emotional intimacy important in relationships?
Without it, even great physicalchemistryor intellectual connection can feel hollow, she says.
Emotional chemistry has been proven to level up a couples sexual relationships.
If we could create your perfect day, what might that look like?
Dr. Brown says that the answer your partner gives you to this open-ended question might surprise you.
This, in turn, can help you better understand and connect with your partner, he says.
Whats your favorite memory of us?
This question is vague for a reason!
What are some small, everyday things that make you feel loved and appreciated?
Is there an activity or experience youd like to do together?
However, this is not necessarily the case (nor should it be).
Whats something youve always wanted to do but havent done yet?
Can you describe a moment when you felt completely seen and heard by me?
Maybe it was last weekend when you were a gregarious plus-one to their work event.
Maybe it was when you stared deeply into their eyes while making love.
Vacation Fling Gets a Reality Check in New Romance Book Swept Away
7.
What is your love language?
The love languages describe the main ways that people express and internalize love.
Though, there are also18 different modern love languagescreated by Anne Hodder-Shop as well as the5 neurodivergent love languages.
What would you like to be appreciated for?
Odds are your partner does things for your benefit that you dont even recognize.
Or maybe they make reservations at your favorite restaurants more than their own to make you happy.
In turn, it’s possible for you to work on expressing gratitude accordingly.
What makes you feel safe?
Ultimately, it all comes down to communication.
What is something I do that makes you feelunloved?
What is one way Ive disappointed you that feels unresolved?
Andresentmentcan be toxic to your emotional, as well as your physical and sexual interactions, she says.
If and when your partner confides in you, Dr. Balestrieri advises staying cool, calm, and collected.
Katherine Hertlein PhD, LMFT, expert with Bluehear
12.
If you could change one thing about how you grew up, what would it be?
In essence, yourelearning their attachment style, says Dr. Manly.
How did your family navigate conflict growing up?
When youre worried about something, what helps you feel better?
Thing is, there is no one-size-fits-all way that supportshouldlook during these moments.
Some people like tight hugs and knowing murmurs, while others prefer a listening ear and opportunity to word-vomit.
What did a past romantic relationship teach you about yourself?
I like couples to share what they have learned about themselves in past relationships, says Dr. Skyler.
Simply, because it can lead to deeper understanding.
How do you define sex?
What is something we do during sex that you really enjoy?
Consider this question to build emotional intimacypostpost coital pillow talk.
The goal here is to focus on something that is present in your sex life that you like.
If youre sexually satisfied, this question will be easy-peasy for you each to answer.
What role do you see sex playing, or want it to play, in our relationship?
What is something you have always dreamed about trying in bed?
Sexual fantasiesmay be common, but few people share the nitty-gritty details of them with anyone.
As such, sharing this jot down of information is a significant gift towards connection, says Dr. Skyler.
How would you describe our current relationship design and why?
Thing is, many people have different definitions for the different relationships structures, as well different relationship preferences.
If so, you might consider investing in a deck of cards designed with conversation and connectedness in mind.
Simply going through the motions if youreemotionally unavailablewont cut it, she says.
…
Got it, you’ve been added to our email list.
