Whiledating parentscan ultimately be a rewarding thing, it can also take some time to get used to.
Dating someone with kids requires flexibility, understanding, and patience, explains licensed psychologistRachel Needle, PsyD.
But dating someone with kids can also be a best-of-both-worlds scenario for certain people.
Not to mention the opportunity to create a blended family for those with kids of their own.
How do I handle being in a relationship with someone who has a child?
Here, we explain some helpful tips and advice for dating dos and donts of dating someone with kids.
founder and executive director ofGoodWerk, core faculty member atSaybrook University
Dos for dating someone with kids
1.
Do be flexible
Whenever kids are involved, flexibility will be paramount, says Smolarski.
Do be patient
Good things take time.
Be patient with building your relationship with your partner and your partners children, Ferguson explains.
Respect any boundaries they may have for introducing new partners to their kids and try not to rush things.
Be open to new parenting and partner experiences, Dr. Ferguson adds.
How youd do something is not necessarily how your partner might and thats okay!
Donts for dating someone with kids
1.
Its not about you, in these instances, Smolarski explains.
founder and executive director ofGoodWerk, core faculty member atSaybrook University
Instead, be supportive and understanding if you could.
Your support will be a relief to them, Smolarski adds.
No one likes to feel guilt for canceling plans, even without kids in the picture.
Dont be jealous of their co-parent
Your partner will speak to their co-parent regularly about their kid.
Thats normal and should not be a threat to you.
Dont compete with their kid
You are not in competition with your dates child.
Its important to act like another grown up in the relationship, Teixeira says.
Is it hard to date someone with kids?
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1.
Do you want to be in a relationship with someone who has kids?
Really, truly ask yourself if you personally want or think its worth dating someone with a kid.
If you are not interested in dating someone with kids, thats fine.
You deserve to be happy, and so do your partner and your partners kids.
No child wants to feel like their mere existence is a burden to their parents happiness.
One parent may see their kids every single day, while another person only sees them on holidays.
Do they expect you to take on an active parenting role?
Will you be more like the fun aunt?
Do they want to date casually and not have you in [their kids] lives at all?
Are your lifestyles compatible?
Is there another parent in the picture, and what is the dynamic like?
Is it worth dating someone with a kid?
Yes, dating someone with kids can be really rewarding if you keep an open mind.
We asked our experts to lay out some of the pros and cons of dating someone with kids.
Getting to be that for someone else?
It doesnt get much better than that.
If both of you have only children, they can get to know what its like to have siblings.
You may have to start focusing more on quality rather than quantity when it comes to dates.
Children are going to cut into the quantity of time, for sure, says Teixeira.
Instead, focus on the quality of time you get to spend with your partner.
When should you meet your partners kids?
When you meet your partners kids is a matter of both personal choice and consideration, Teixeira explains.
There is also nothing wrong with waiting a while to meet your partners kids.
Whatever you do, dont pressure your partner into meeting their kids too soon.
[Its a] delicate time for kids, Teixeira says.
Timing is everything, she says.
How should you meet your partners kids?
Dr. OReilly says that kidsof all agesare intuitive and smart: They dont like being tricked or lied to.
What are the boundaries when dating someone with a child?
Boundaries are so important in a dating relationship where there are kids, Teixeira says.
Aside from the big one of when to meet the kids, keep the following in mind.
Dont assume the kids know and dont share it.
You dont want to bad-mouth your partners ex, says Teixeira.
If you dont have anything nice to say, stay neutral.
Even if your partner bad-mouths their ex in front of the kids, dont join in, she adds.
Doing so can be very damaging to everyone involved.
You also need to feel like your needs are incorporated and cared for in the relationship, says Smolarski.
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