Experts in This Article
marriage and family therapist who uses nonviolent communication principles in her work.
It could mean you and your friends are repressing feelings, pushing aside needs, or avoiding direct communication.
This is the crux of nonviolent communication (NVC).
Those needs include things like belonging, self-expression, play, food, consideration, and love.
But we sometimes have tragic ways of meeting our needs.
Ditching the courtroom mentality means giving up blame that anyone did anything wrong.
marriage and family therapist who uses nonviolent communication principles in her work.
Its not about whos right or whos wrong.
Its about figuring out what both of your needs are, and how to meet them.
Go with your first reaction
Just dont, Dr. Manning says with a laugh.
When things are first brought up, both people are likely stimulated and unable to hear each other.
Thats where you get into he is, she is, it is, Dr. Lewine says.
Feelings-oriented language can feel more vulnerable.
It occurs at the level of strategy.
Distinguishing needs from the ways we make a run at get needs met can be a collaborative process.
When we understand that, a whole slew of new possibilities are opened up.
marriage and family therapist who uses nonviolent communication principles in her work.
and tell me more can be helpful places to start.
Theres what the person actually said or did, and then theres what you heard.
A friend says they cant talk right now, and we tell ourselves were bothering them.
A friend looks at their phone when were talking, and we hear that were not important to them.
instead of the facts (you looked at your phone when I was trying to talk to you.)
give a shot to do the opposite, and share observations instead of interpretations.
to separate the extra layer of meaning from what was said.
We cant see the gray.
Both things can be true.
Being able to go for the both and rather than the either or is essential.
Slowing things down and expressing needs can break the default cycle.
Whats the precious thing theyre trying to get you to hear?
you’re free to ask, whats alive in you?
or why are you upset?
to have a go at get down to the need itself.
…
Got it, you’ve been added to our email list.
