There are only winners and losers in life.
But while these phrasesseemsimple, they dont quite reveal just how toxic this pop in oflimited thinkingcan be.
Black and white thinking, or splitting, is when we organize our thought patterns in terms of extremes.
Good versus bad, always or never.
The purpose of black and white thinking is to cut out any data that exists in the in-between.
Why does black and white thinking happen?
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Many of us learn to split early on in our lives.
Seeing them in their fullness wouldnt have been in your best survival and dependency interests.
In general, the brain seeks certainty and assuranceover any sort of ambiguity or confusionas a survival mechanism.
How can black and white thinking hurt you?
We do not welcome our fullness or the fullness of others.
We do not welcome our fullness or the fullness of others.
Consider a black-and-white scenario where you believe success means getting rich and nothing else.
How to stop black and white thinking and live in the gray areas
1.
Your strategy of splitting your partner into good and bad might be protecting you from feeling this grief.
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Just let it flow out of you, and sit with the whole story.
Do you feel tension?
Do you feel openness?
Do you feel fear?
Continue to sit with what comes up when you are in the midst of it all.
Over time, see if a message emerges about acting on anything you feel.
Notice how you feel after you begin to unspool a more complicated story about your and others behaviors.
Your black and white thinking was developed to keep you feeling safe and not activated.
Want to learn more about how to stop black and white thinking in relationships and beyond?
Listen to thefull podcast episode here.
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