Need to smooth things over with someone?
Learning about the five apology languages will help you say “sorry” more effectively.
But take a beat, becauseyou may not have apologized poorly.
Rather, it could be that the recipient speaks a different apology language.
Then, read on to learn how to identify and use each language in practice.
The five apology languages thatll help your sorry land gracefully
1.
conversation expert, developer of The Relationship Protocol® communication model, and program creator
Expressing regret
If someone has this as their apology language, breathe easy.
Youre not going to jump through any flaming hoops here.
A simple but genuine Im sorry is the only apology thats needed for this apology language, Roberts says.
But theres an important caveat here: the expression of regret really needs to be spelled out.
Perhaps their coworker apologized because he wasnt prepared for the presentation to a customer, says Roberts.
I have a lot going on at home right now and just wasnt in the best headspace.
It wont happen again.
Accepting responsibility
Accountability without explanation is the name of the game with this particular love language.
This apology language is not interested in excuses or reasons; they want a straight apology, says Roberts.
conversation expert, developer of The Relationship Protocol® communication model, and program creator
It can actually negate the sorry and piss off the receiver.
That is especially true for someone with this apology language.
Tell them you apologize because you forgot their birthday and you feel awful about it.
Theres no excuse for it.
I treasure our friendship, and January 23 is now forever marked into my Google Cal.
Genuinely repent
Genuinely repent sounds pretty intense, like throwing yourself at the mercy of a vengeful ruler.
Really, this language is just about having an action point to pair with your apology.
So remember how you never want to do an Im sorry, but…?
You will make an effort to understand why you reacted so strongly because you are upset with yourself too.
Knowing you are taking action will ease their mind.
This will sound something like:Hey, can we talk?
While genuinely repenting is about promising to make behavior changes, making restitution involves more concrete gestures.
Basically, someone whose love language is receiving gifts willprobablylean towards making restitution as their apology language.
And dont fret if theres isnt an exact equal way to make things up to someone.
Request forgiveness
So, uh, whats the point of requesting forgiveness in the first place?
Think about it in terms of consent.
You cant be impatient or force their hand by demanding they accept your apology, says Roberts.
But I totally understand if you just want to keep moving forward on your own.
Have you checked outThe Well+Good SHOP?
Whatre you waiting for?Get shopping!
…
Got it, you’ve been added to our email list.
