Thats what makes [friendships] special, but thats also what makes them so vulnerable, says Goldfarb.
Unsurprisingly, that trend has coincided with adrop in close friendshipsand arise in loneliness across the board.
One is the continued rise of digital communication, she says.
Another reason for our fraying social fabric is hustle culture, adds Westbrook.
And thats where having key questions on hand can help.
Its very endearing and humanizing.
journalist and author ofModern Friendship
In any case, the payoff is likely to be worth your time and effort.
Can you describe a moment in your life that challenged your beliefs and led to personal growth?
How do you navigate and learn from failures or setbacks?
Can you describe a moment when you felt truly understood by someone?
Whats something you let go of that at one point you thought defined you?
What was your spiritual background as a child, and how does it impact your life today?
What were your childhood hobbies?
Are they still a part of who you are?
When was the last time you forgave yourself?
journalist and author ofModern Friendship
Whats the most important lesson you learned from the job you hated the most?
Whats the most memorable party youve ever been to?
Whats a regret that you have?
What was something that helped restore your faith in humanity?
Whats an embarrassing moment at work that still lives rent-free in your head?
How would your childhood friends describe you?
If you could relive one moment in your life, which one would you choose?
Whats the best gift youve ever given?
Whats the best gift youve ever received?
Do you have any family traditions that are important to you?
Did you like the city or town you grew up in?
How did your family view mental health and therapy growing up?
Is it the same today, or have their views changed at all?
In the past year, when did you feel the most joyful?
In the past year, when did you feel the most sad?
What were you like in middle school?
What would you like to tell your 16-year-old self?
On daily life
How do you cope with stress or difficult situations in your life?
How do you express gratitude in your daily life?
How do you approach making decisions, and what factors do you consider most important?
Without mentioning any tech, what is your most prized possession?
Where are you when youre feeling your happiest?
Who would play you in the movie of your life?
Whats your idea of the perfect day?
Do you like to take risks?
What makes you laugh more than anything else?
What is causing you the most stress right now?
Whats a bad habit that you wish you could quit?
Where do you feel the most safe?
Whats your favorite thing about what you get to do every day?
Which accomplishment are you most proud of?
When do you feel most like your authentic self?
If you had three extra hours in your day, how would you use them?
Whats your relationship like with money?
Which is hardest for you to say: I love you, Im sorry, or I need help?
Whats something that youre working through right now?
If time or financial resources werent an issue, what would you be doing with your life?
On relationships
What makes a friendship successful?
Who are you with when youre feeling your happiest?
How do you express and experience love in your relationships?
Whats something you said or did in a previous friendship that you regret?
How do you handle disagreements or conflicts in your relationships?
How do you know its time to move on from a relationship or friendship?
Are your parents still in love?
Does it matter to you now?
What are your non-negotiables or dealbreakers in a friendship?
How can I better show up for you as a friend?
How many times have you been in love?
Do you believe in second chances for bad first dates?
What relationship advice would you give me?
How has your parents relationship impacted your love life?
If you could teach your 15-year-old self anything about friendship, what would it be?
What do you think about your partner discussing your sex life with their friends?
Do you think my dating standards are too low, too high, or just right?
Whats been your biggest contribution to my life?
What kind of friend do you think you are?
Whats your relationship like with your parents?
How do you see yourself in your parents, and how do you not see yourself in them?
What were your friendships like in high school?
Do you think any of your younger friendships affect how you show up in friendships today?
If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go, and why?
What is the one thing you want to do before the year ends?
What is something youre too scared to go after?
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be, and why?
If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?
If you could write a book, what would it be about?
If you had to live somewhere else, where would you choose and why?
On core values and identity
What cause is most important to you?
What is something that you feel people often get wrong about you?
Whom do you look up to?
What did you think of me when you first met me?
How would you describe yourself in three words?
Do you feel like youve found your lifes purpose?
Whats more important: helping yourself or helping the world?
What are you passionate about?
Whats something that is really important to you?
What are two to three core values that guide your decisions and actions?
Bruk, Anna et al.
Beautiful mess effect: Self-other differences in evaluation of showing vulnerability.Journal of personality and social psychologyvol.
115,2 (2018): 192-205. doi:10.1037/pspa0000120
Kannan, Viji Diane, and Peter J Veazie.
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