We were staring at the large projector screen, showing the inside of my uterus.
But that day, at 14 weeks pregnant, there was only silence.
After sitting in that terrible silence for what felt like eons, I had to break it.
My midwife responded with the worst words ever spoken to me: No.
Im sorry, but your baby doesnt seem to be alive anymore.
Like many miscarriages, ours was unexplainedand we were told it was simply bad luck.
founder ofThe Miscarriage Doula + Co.
There is, of course, no possible way to prepare yourself for a miscarriage.
But what most surprised me in the aftermath was how much I struggled to reconnect with my body.
I felt completely betrayed by my body and like all the trust Id built with it was broken.
Aboutone in five womenin the U.S. experience infertility.
I know several women whove experienced both.
Yet many of us arent prepared to navigate those feelings on top of everything else.
I felt like my body failed me.
I no longer viewed it as strong and powerful, but instead as disappointing and deeply flawed.
My body had taken life from me, along with hopes, dreams, excitement, and innocence.
founder ofThe Miscarriage Doula + Co.
Many people who miscarry grapple with similar feelings.
Both women and fetuses were described as hostages of the body, the study authors wrote.
But the fact that they came up at all made me feel like a fraud.
Thats certainly how things played out for me after my own pregnancy loss.
Theres also research showing high levels of infertility-related stress arelinked to poorer body image3.
Plus, research shows infertility can negatively impactwomens self-esteem, sexuality, and psychological function4.
Sadly, some health-care providers can make everything harder.
[My clients] often unfortunately deal with weight-biased providers and harmful media messaging.
This is despite the fact thatmultiple studies5have shown thatlosing weight does not improve a persons fertility6.
We needed each other to get back to living again, and eventually to prepare for a new pregnancy.
This didnt happen overnight, or on my own.
Give your body time to heal
Recovery from pregnancy and fertility treatment takes time, regardless of the outcome.
The emotional toll may require more physical rest, because our emotions arefelt and stored in our bodies.
Adams encourages validation of hard feelings when going through infertility issues, like frustration, disappointment, and grief.
Instead, it simply felt like a sad memory from my past.
Working with a non-diet and weight-inclusive dietitian can also help significantly with healing your body relationship.
If youre looking for non-book resources, Schimmelpfenning recommendsThe Body Grievers Club Podcastand Cartrette suggests exploring websites likeRescriptedandFertility Rally.
Kukulskiene, Milda, and Nida Zemaitiene.
1 Jan. 2022, doi:10.3390/healthcare10010079
Cuenca, Diana.
Pregnancy loss: Consequences for mental health.Frontiers in global womens healthvol.
23 Jan. 2023, doi:10.3389/fgwh.2022.1032212
Calvo, Vincenzo et al.
Romantic attachment, infertility-related stress, and positive body image of women dealing with infertility.Frontiers in psychologyvol.
6 Jan. 2023, doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2022.1067970
Zayed, Abdelhady A. and Mohamed Adel El-Hadidy.
Sexual satisfaction and self-esteem in women with primary infertility.
Middle East Fertility Society Journal vol.
5 March 2020, https://doi.org/10.1186/s43043-020-00024-5
Gaskins, Audrey J.
Recent advances in understanding the relationship between long- and short-term weight change and fertility.F1000Researchvol.
7 F1000 Faculty Rev-1702.
26 Oct. 2018, doi:10.12688/f1000research.15278.1
Legro, Richard S et al.
Effects of preconception lifestyle intervention in infertile women with obesity: The FIT-PLESE randomized controlled trial.PLoS medicinevol.
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