As a young person who had a raging eating disorder, simplylikingmyself felt like an impossible feat.
I had so many experiences that made me want to crawl out of myself, much lessloveit.
This made me afraid of putting my hurting heart out into the big, bad world.
I fretted: Would I only attract people who would harm or reject me?
Do I have to be healthier (or do the work of healing alone) to be loved?
Why do people say you better love yourself before loving others?
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Loving yourself means that you know you are valuable and worthy of care without external validation.
If you dont love yourself, you may struggle with feelings of worthlessness or even self-hatred.
Additionally, trying to heal on your own may not even be the appropriate suture for the wound.
You may feel negatively toward your breasts, but a partner might love the hell out of them!
To this end, instead of asking yourself, Am I ready to be loved?
consider asking: Am I ready to be honest with myself and others as we heal and grow together?
Below, youll find steps to take in your journey toward self-love while in a loving relationship.
You might believe that if you expose your worst features, you will be abandoned.
And yet, our emotional heart has a separate function: to keep us feeling alive.
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Sharing a hurt heartshouldfeel like a leap and require tenacity.
This journey begins with being compassionate toward the reasons why youdontlove yourself.
Instead of being critical toward yourself, get curious about where your negative self-concept may have originated.
And thats not just for your benefit.
It can be worthwhile to ask yourself: What are the parts of me that I dont like?
Where did these parts develop?
How do I react to these parts?
How do these parts show up in my relationships?
What does taking responsibility for these parts look like for me?
How can I shift the narrative I hold about these parts from: What is wrong with me?
to: What happened to me that made me believe I am bad/not enough/unlovable?
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Lathren, Christine R et al.
Self-Compassion and Current Close Interpersonal Relationships: A Scoping Literature Review.Mindfulnessvol.
12,5 (2021): 1078-1093. doi:10.1007/s12671-020-01566-5
Neff, Kristin.
Self-Compassion: An Alternative Conceptualization of a Healthy Attitude Toward Oneself.Self and Identityvol.
2, 2 (2003): 85101. doi.org10.1080/15298860309032.
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