Psychologists describe adult temper tantrums, their causes, and how you could diffuse them in yourself and others.
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What are adult temper tantrums?
An adult temper tantrum is not otherwise all that different from those more commonly thrown by toddlers.
Both involve big emotions, difficulty communicating those emotions, and interpersonal distress, says Watson.
Adults may actually use temper tantrums more consciously to achieve a goal.
clinical psychologist, life fulfillment expert, and author ofDate Smart,Joy From Fear, andAging Joyfully
Adults, on the other hand, technically should know and do better.
Additionally, adds Dr. Manly, adults may actually use temper tantrums more consciously to achieve a goal.
(In other words, they can be manipulative.)
Why do adult temper tantrums happen?
Typically, both experts explain, such outbursts in adults stem from deficiencies in their upbringings.
Sometimes, this behavior can be indicative of serious mental health disorders.
What triggers adult temper tantrums?
Most people need time and space alone to decompress and check in with themselves, she says.
Theres some hard evidence of this exacerbation, too.
clinical psychologist, life fulfillment expert, and author ofDate Smart,Joy From Fear, andAging Joyfully
What can you do about adult temper tantrums?
Conflict can be resolved, even when someone is exploding.
She and Watson both recommend trying to diffuse the situation instead by listening and reflecting rather than reacting.
In fact, saying something such as, I see that you are very upset.
In such a situation, you might say, I understand that youre very upset.
I feel powerless to help, but I do need to take care of myself right now.
Im going to take a short walk.
If the situation feels threatening, however, Dr. Manly advises calling 911 immediately.
Once the other person has calmed down, Watson says to look for signs of safety.
These may include slower breathing, sitting down, drinking water, or eating.
Only then is it a good time to share how their tantrum made you feel.
Use I statements and be prepared to take breaks if needed, she says.
Not everything can be solved in a day.
How can I stop having adult temper tantrums?
The degree of support needed depends on the seriousness of the temper tantrum issue and the underlying causes.
Building awareness around your triggers is a specifically effective means for preventing future outbursts, adds Watson.
Often, babies and toddlers fuss when they feel physical and emotional discomfort, she says.
Adults are no different, except that we can meet our own needs.
attempt to do so without judgment, shame, or resentment.
You deserve space to feel.
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