“There were so many holes to our story that my anxious mind was desperate to fill.
When did he stop loving me?
Did he ever love me at all?”
He was not that kind of guy.
And we didnt have a dramatic or volatile relationship.
Within 20 minutes my life and my future had fallen apart.
…
(Good to know!
Since it wasveryabrupt for me!)
During that last phone call, I vigorously took notes on my phone.
But I didnt get any good ones.
Leaving my close friends and family trying to comfort me from six feet away.
It was a lot to process.
But at the same time, it also wasnt enough.
There were so many holes to our story that my anxious mind was desperate to fill.
When did he stop loving me?
Did he ever love me at all?
Was he leaving me over my Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, which Ive had since age four?
Was he leaving me because I made him watchLucifer?
In the past, I would have demanded answers.
I would have desperately tried to change his mind.
He was no longer a part of my life.
It was a crash course in acceptance.
I owed it to myself to keep living.
And to properly do that, I had to give myself the closure I would never get from him.
I dont know why he left but trying to solve that mystery was a waste of energy.
Even if I somehow cracked it, it wouldnt change the result that we were no longer together.
He was not my person.
And I deserved a whole lot better.
He was not my person.
And I deserved a whole lot better.
In a single evening, another person had blown up my world and left me with the rubble.
I couldnt stop the explosion.
But I did have control over the rebuild.
I got to decide what I took away from this experience.
I could choose to blame myself and give up on love.
I would not have given up on him like he gave up on me.
And I will remain a good partner in my future relationships.
His actions do not define me.
But my response does.
And I am proud to say I responded with self-compassion.
I stepped up to the plate and provided myself with what I needed to move on.
And I let love in again.
Because even though something might have been missing for him, I ammore than enough for me.
…
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