Here’s what it’s crucial that you ask yourself first.
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Its something thats wielded incorrectly for things like taking up space or having a legitimate question.
Time for a reality check: Do I need to say sorry?
Or do I just not know how to react in this situation?
Individuals also use over-apologizing as a blanket way to ensure theyre in good standing with those around them.
psychotherapist and founder of Manhattan Wellness
But before you go sorry-free, ensure to vet whether your apology is needed in the first place.
Heres the four questions she says to ask yourself first.
Questions your need to ask yourself before you say Im sorry
1.
Did I do your best with information I had in that moment?
Somehow, this is the first time youre hearing about it, despite planning the party for two months.
Your directions were to make a chocolate cake, and Sarah failed to be explicit about the recipe.
Therefore, with the information withheld, an apology isnt necessary.
Did I reach an expected outcome or a non-intended outcome?
The expected outcome, per the instructions, was to have a chocolate cake for Stevies birthday, right?
psychotherapist and founder of Manhattan Wellness
This would probably require an apology (and a really good lawyer).
Am I apologizing for my own behavior or due to the individuals reaction?
Lets go back to the original scenario, where you just made a boxed cake.
Skip the apology, and tell Sarah to chill TF out.
Are I filling the space during an uncomfortable moment?
One person thought a boxed cake was fine, the other wanted a classic recipe from scratch.
None of this was expressed, and now its a little awkward.
Acknowledge that there was a miscommunication and keep things moving.
Oh, and next time, you make the cake, Sarah.
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