(Im also the author of abook of the same name.)
But, when we met, I was married to a man and didnt identify as queer.
My thinking was,Well, lets start by talking about it.
So, I began to host town halls for women to talk about money.
With career and money coaches, I hosted workshops to get woman-identifying people moving up in their lives.
I also created a Slack groupand then you came, Ashley.
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What made you join the community, and what was your first impression of me?
Did you know I was queer?
There was also no growth room anymore, and I wanted to do something differentsomething more mission driven.
I was thinking about looking for a new job and I was looking for a girlfriend.
So, I figured it would be a great place for me to poke around for both.
I had a really profound experience at my first Ladies Get Paid event, which wasfocused on imposter syndrome.
I created Ladies Get Paid becauseIneeded Ladies Get Paid!
What I didnt know, was that I needed you.
You taught me this great expression: You dont know what you dont know.
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So I think I was self-aware, but only to a certain extent.
And so I began to question my sexuality.
Soon after, we became friends.
I remember you saying that you always thought women were beautiful.
I think queer culture has disseminated very quickly in the past handful of years.
Such progress has also changed peoples exposure to queer culture.
Thoughcorporate Pride is often now performative, it was really meaningful at the time for exposure.
I did not know any out lesbians at all.
I knew I was attracted to you, for sure.
But I wouldnt have labeled it that way at the time.
I just had butterflies in my stomach.
And I did feel attracted to womenI felt like that was something I should explore.
I never questioned if I was making the right decision.
AL:I was absolutely not down to be in an open relationship with you and your husband.
It was tough for me.
The number one rule of being a lesbian is to never fall in love with a straight girl.
So Im like,Okay, this is an infant lesbian.
Im all the way at the end of the Kinsey scale and youre closer to the middle.
But that doesnt mean that you are not a person whos like, Yeah, women are my jam.
CW:I did feel pressure to put a label on it.
It was, are you gay?
But if I say Im queer, am I not a lesbian?
AL:And the meaning of those words continue to evolve.
Its good that we keep progressing and learning more and being more inclusive to all people.
I had a lot of feelings of guilt, like, how could I have not known sooner?
How could I not have been more vocally supportive of the gay community?
I also grappled with, what you called, the loss of straight privilege.
Also the thought of having kidswe cant just snap our fingers and get pregnant.
Thats actually been what Ive found most difficult to grapple with since the end of my hetero relationship.
This wasnt part of the calculus, but theres also a lot of beautiful.
I mean, I love that we can be so intentional about this.
AL:Yes, but we also dont have to find a silver liningitisa sad thing, objectively.
No child we have, whether its your genes or mine, will be our child.
To me, the world is lesser because of it.
CW:Lets wrap with discussing our favorite parts of being with another woman.
AL:I came out later in life.
I just love women, and thats it.
I always have, I always will.
Im a hyper-emotional person.
I cry all the time, am very in touch with my feelings, and not to stereotype genders.
I just like vibe with women better and sharing closets is also really cool.
Twice as many clothes.
CW:I think Im wearing your shirt right now.
I highly encourage everyone to give it a try this Pride month.
CW:We welcome you with open arms.
Want more Love Out Loud?
And this episode of theWell+Good Podcastwith activists Rachel Ricketts and ALOK centers ongrief and joy among the queer community.
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