Um, Can You Use a Vibrator While Pregnant?
My ideal scenario was an unmedicated vaginal birth.
By 36 weeks, my condition had become so severe it landed me in the hospital.
While there, my blood pressure skyrocketed, and my liver and kidney functions dropped dangerously low.
Things were quickly becoming very unsafe for me and my baby, and I was scared.
After discussing risks, my care team decided a C-section was the safest route.
nurse educator, researcher, and expert on birth trauma prevention and recovery
It was a major blow to the idea of my dream birth.
But my babys health and my own depended on it.
The drugs made me extremely sick and loopy.
I could barely even take care of myself.
Nurses took over my care for the following 48 hours, down to giving me sponge baths in bed.
Now I know its called birth trauma.
Giving birth has been depicted as one of the most beautiful things a woman can do.
For some this may be true, but for others, its traumatic.
Paige Bellenbaum, LCSW, therapist
What is birth trauma?
nurse educator, researcher, and expert on birth trauma prevention and recovery
Like all trauma, birth trauma is subjective.
What may be traumatic to you may not be for someone else.
It happens when something during childbirth makes you feel unsupported, unsafe, or helpless.
In all its unpredictability, birth is an innately traumatic experience, says Sheehan.
And if the unforeseen event causes you great distress, it can make you feel powerless.
This is called care-related interpersonal trauma.
Unfortunately, all too common.
Other studies estimate this number even higher.
Whos most at risk?
Though it can happen to anyone, certain groups are disproportionately affected by birth trauma.
In other words, its effects are far-reaching.
Thats because trauma overwhelms your nervous systems ability to cope.
I fall into this group.
Though I dont have a PTSD diagnosis, Ive struggled with health anxiety and hypervigilance since my birth experience.
Take third- or fourth-degree perineal tears, for example.
These tears cause severe damage to the tissues and muscles of your vagina and anus.
These ongoing symptoms can majorly affect your quality of life and even your mental health.
Health conditions, like my preeclampsia, can also continue to affect your life post-birth.
It took several months to get my blood pressure under controlwith medication and under a specialists care.
Similarly,stressfrom birth trauma can have an affect on your health in the long term.
For example, Sheehan says that certain mental health issues likestress can be linked to inflammationin the body.
Your partner may even feel traumatized by what they saw and experienced during your labor and delivery.
Give yourself permission to call your experience what it was.
If your birth felt traumatic to you, then it was.
As painful as it can be, there is light at the end of the tunnel.
With time, patience, and support, you could begin to recover.
Here are some things to help you along the path to healing.
People fear that calling their birth traumatic makes them a terrible parent, she adds.
Others may question whether they even have the right to call their birth traumatic.
You might question,am I just overreacting?
No matter what you went through, your feelings are valid.
Trauma is in the eye of the beholder, adds Bellenbaum.
If your birth felt traumatic to you, then it was.
You shouldnt have to bury your true feelings or put on a happy face for the world.
Healing can only begin when we acknowledge our trauma.
Dont blame yourself
When something goes wrong during birth, many people feel ashamed.
Some birthing parents even feel as if they failed themselves and their baby.
With this deep sense of shame often comes self-criticism.
You might beat yourself up asking,Why cant I just be stronger?
Why cant I just focus on gratitude?You may fear other people will judge you, too.
c’mon stop beating yourself up: Birth trauma wasnt your fault, and youre not to blame.
Shame and guilt will only keep you trapped in a dark, lonely place and prevent you from healing.
Join a birth trauma support group
Birth trauma is isolating.
For me, the alienation was almost as heartbreaking as the trauma itself.
Now you’re free to move forward.
Sometimes, the people we share our stories with can keep the trauma wheel spinning, says Sheehan.
This is certainly true in my case.
Even among other new parents I felt like the odd one out.
I tried to make connections in several new moms groups, but I just couldnt relate to anyone.
This only intensified the loneliness I felt.
Sometimes I would think,Am I the only one who feels like this?
Six months post-birth, my therapist recommended I check out a virtual birth trauma support group.
For the first time, I felt like I could truly relate.
We mourned what was taken from us and expressed our true feelings of devastation and rage without judgment.
Since then, Ive also found a lot of validation in online communities.
The website has a helpful list of virtual and Facebook groups, as well as other useful resources.
Tell your story
You may want to forget your birth trauma ever even happenedI hear you.
But avoidance wont serve you.
A key to healing is facingallyour feelings, and telling your story can be an essential part of that.
(To be fully transparent, thats part of the reason why Im writing this article.)
One of the best ways to do this is by writing it all down.
Of course,whowe share our stories with also makes a difference.
But it can also be someone in your life who holds space for you.
This falls in line with a philosophy called post-traumatic growth, according to theJournal of Perinatal Education.
Just keep in mind: Post-traumatic growth isnt meant to negate your pain.
Your trauma wont magically go away.
I needed professional help.
Therapy can be an integral part of the recovery process.
But finding a skilled and experienced counselor is key.
Trauma can manifest in countless physical waysincluding muscle tension, body pain, and disturbed sleep.
Enter:somatic therapy.
And anecdotally, many people claim it can be life changing.
Association for Body PsychotherapyorSomatic Experiencing International.
Birthwhether traumatic or notis a symbolic death of who we were before, says Sheehan.
We need time to grieve our former selves and heal our bodies and minds.
Sheehan likens the process to a metamorphosis, which is messy.
Caterpillars completely break down to become a butterfly.
In other words, healing is messy, hard work, and it takes time.
One year postpartum, Im still in metamorphosis.
I also see my healing process like my C-section scar.
In time, they will heal, too.
But were all on our own unique timeline.
Im trying my best to be kind and patient with myself during the process.
I hope you will be, too.
Can you prevent birth trauma?
Sadly, birth trauma cant always be prevented.
This puts them at higher risk for dangerous, demeaning, or humiliating situations, per the MMHLA.
While problems persist system wide, theres hope.
Birth advocates and activists are pushing for change, awareness, and equity for birthing people.
This means finding the right doctor or midwife is of utmost importance.
But this is not always the reality.
Too many birthing people have felt unheard, dismissed, or downright disrespected (myself included).
Again, this poor bedside manner seems to be, in part, a systemic issue.
So how can you pick the right caregiver?
You may also want to consider working with a doula.
Their entire goal is to help you have a safe and satisfying birth.
Even though my birth trauma couldnt have been prevented, Im eternally grateful for my doula.
To find a qualified doula in your area, it’s possible for you to useDONA Internationals search tool.
I educated myself and assembled a team of compassionate medical providers.
But still, my birth went south and rocked me to my core.
All this to say, there are parts of birth you might prepare for, and others you cant.
That doesnt mean we cant prepare ourselves at allwe may just need to tweak the way we do it.
This may include planning for unexpected events, and developing healthy coping skills in advance.
Remain curious about what could unfold during birth that might be unanticipated, surprising, or even unwanted.
Spend time thinking about how you might navigate this scenario.
In the end, you cant predict what will or wont happen during birth.
medically reviewed byAndrea Braden, MD, OB/GYN
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