A breast cancer survivor shares how she’s learned to embrace sex and intimacy again after treatment and recovery.
And I remember getting to second base at sleepaway camp with them.
I nursed my babies with them.
I put my wedding gown on [them], she tells Well+Good.
These changes can sometimes be most intense after treatment is complete and the hectic whirr of medical appointments subsides.
Essentially, how you feel about your breasts can change.
fellowship-trained breast surgical oncologist atNYU Langone Health
For example, some people associate breasts with giving them cancer, Dr. Fana says.
She was concerned her breasts wouldnt look the same.
I just wanted to look like Melissa, she recalls.
Chemotherapy, for example, can cause side effects like weight changes and hair loss.
Berry notes that she lost the hair on her head as well as her brows and lashes during chemo.
Breast appearance can change, too, even without a mastectomy or lumpectomy.
Specifically, radiation therapy can lead to a loss of elasticity in the skin, Dr. Fana says.
Breasts can also shift in size or feel firmer following radiation, per theSusan G. Komen Foundation.
All these changes in appearance can have a huge effect on our confidence and our sexuality, Guerrero says.
fellowship-trained breast surgical oncologist atNYU Langone Health
They canfeeldifferent, too, which may leave you feeling less eager for intimacy.
Radiation can lead to breast soreness or irritated skin, per theNational Breast Cancer Foundation.
Scar tissue from these surgeries can also cause chronic pain, she adds.
Even if its not painful, sexual intimacy may feel physically or emotionally different.
This can also lead to conflict in romantic and sexual partnerships.
I dont want anyone to feel alone.
No relationship should suffer because of breast cancer.
In fact, her podcast is all about getting your sexy back after breast cancer, she says.
I dont want anyone to ever feel alone.
No relationship should suffer because of breast cancer, she adds.
What can I do?
Or I have no libido.
What can I do?'
Dr. Fana says you dont have to accept this as your normal.
Doctors can help, but youll have to speak up.
Your doctors are likely more focused on metrics like survival and limiting recurrence than on your quality of life.
Your mental health is also important.
I always joke when people say, How did you get through this?
[The answer is] Xanax, Berry says.
I also really couldnt have gotten through this without really great talk therapy, she adds.
She encourages people to lean on medication and talk therapy without fear and shame, if doctors suggest it.
Im a real girls girl.
I always loved doing my hair, my makeup, [and] wearing beautiful clothing, she adds.
Breast cancer meant overhauling her wardrobe, and dealing with beauty issues beyond a pimple or fine lines.
But she still wanted to hang on to as much of her old self as she could.
Guerrero recommends learning your new body.
Give yourself grace and time to take it slow, she adds.
Consider masturbation as an early step toward intimacy, Berry suggests.
What works for some people may not work for those going through breast cancer.
Berry had had friends recommend using coconut oil as lubricant.
Remember, intimacy is more than sex
Sexuality is not just sex, Guerrero says.
Intimacy comes in many shapes and forms, Berry says.
It can mean holding hands, snuggling on the couch, or playing a board game.
Finding ways to connect with romantic partners can help boost your self-esteem.
Especially if youve used the same foreplay moves for years…even decades.
In general, whenever theres pressure to have sex, well, there goes the fun, she says.
The reality is: Sex may be different after treatment.
Things that felt good before may not feel good now.
Your best bet is to talk about it.
Having open, honest communication allows your partner to understand whats changed, Guerrero says.
Plus, after breast cancer, you may wonder, Is my partner going to think Im still beautiful?
Having the openness or courage and the trust in your relationship to share is important, Guerrero says.
Look for products that help
Your care team can share products and solutions to help you manage physical symptoms.
But there are other products, too, that may help you feel more beautiful and attractive.
Berry founded Cancer Fashionista for this reason.
I see myself as the bridge between life-saving cancer treatment and quality of life, she says.
She recommends finding amastectomy brathat doesnt give off medical vibes, like the ones made byAnaOno.
But the conversation tends to stop there.
Patients emotions, mental health, sexuality, and physical health should all be addressed, she adds.
Once youve had cancer, there are some parts of your identity that may shift, Guerrero says.
When you get a cancer diagnosis, its terrifyingbut theres a roadmap to your next steps, she says.
Once treatment ends, theres no roadmap.
And now you have to figure it out.
This can be scary, she says, but also empowering.
Breast cancer is hard enough, Berry says.
Thats something that you should never have to give up.
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