Typically, court mediators help people address issues in a way that hopefully leads to dispute settlements.
However, Clemants would often unearth child sexual abuse allegations during mediations.
In the mediation room, the mom accused her 9-year-old of seducing her boyfriend, Clemants says.
Telling this story, Clemants recalls her tone when she spoke to the mother.
Soon after, Clemants stopped taking child sexual abuse cases.
Instead, she founded an entire organization,Hidden Water, that uses restorative justice to heal families.
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You actually have to help them heal.
What is the philosophy behind this approach?
You have to take responsibility and feel remorse.
Im going to feel this pain with you, and Im not going to move away from it.
And people cant do this alone.
Its really hard to do.
They need the [healing] circle to support that happening.
Everyone needs to learn to walk this path, but they cant do it alone.
So, family members do work in their specific healing circles.
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Do they ever come together in a healing circle as a family unit?
But its a supported conversationfor every one family member, theres also a keeper.
The non-offending parent has another non-offending parent [outside the family system] with them.
The harming brother has another person who has harmed.
The person who was harmed has another person who harmed with them.
It slows down the conversation and supports it in a different way than if it was just the family.
Its Amazing How Its All Connected.
And to me, those are different people.
What can be gained from viewing child sexual abuse from a systems perspective?
The healing is happening in a way it would never happen otherwise.
This second wave of harm lasts much longer.
How can you heal from child sexual abuse if your family keeps reharming you over and over again?
What have you learned from your work that you wish people knew?
The biggest lesson for me is that you could heal from anything, but you cant do it alone.
Quotes have been edited and condensed for clarity.
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