Butterflies in your stomach?

They might not actually be romantic.

Here’s why falling in love can spark anxiety and how to cope.

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arent actually side effects of love.

When were in true danger, this [fight-or-flight] system is still very helpful, often life-saving.

We still have the same basic body and biological functions we had 10,000 years ago, she says.

Two people’s legs touch under a table as they work on their laptops.

AASECT-certified sex therapist and founder and CEO of The Expansive Group

(These false activations are especially likely, she notes, for people with sexual or relational trauma).

But when youre not, it can obviously be incredibly confusing.

So how can you tell if your fight-or-flight is a false alarm or red flag when youre dating?

Books on grief are seen floating against a backdrop of clouds.

We asked mental health experts to provide some more insight.

Stumble on your partners secret knife collection?

Math aint mathing about where your partner was the other night?

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Still, its not impossible.

So… how can you tell when its a warranted response or not?

In short, by tuning into your environment, turning on your mind, and leaning on your friends.

Michelle Monaghan, Carrie Coon, and Leslie Bibb in The White Lotus, symbolizing toxic friendships.

AASECT-certified sex therapist and founder and CEO of The Expansive Group

If the answer is no, then you may be feeling unsafe because, well, you actually are.

Ask a trusted friend or therapist what they think about the situation, they say.

After trauma, people are more likely to misinterpret and misunderstand their body chatter, they say.

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(you’re free to read more about getting out of an intimate partner violence situationhereandhere).

Brief, intense bouts of exercise can move your body through the stress response cycle, says Tanner.

Never underestimate the power of telling someone that youre starting to fall for that youre nervous, says Tanner.

Courtesy Berkley Publishing

Plus, it creates an opening for your date to comfort and reassure you.

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