Overwhelmed by dating advice and wondering what you really want from a relationship?
A therapist shares smart questions to ask yourself.
Perhaps youve found yourself trying random recreational activities (adult kickball league, anyone?)
because youve been told to seek out shared interests.
All the while, online media contributes to the advice whirlwind.
But the fixation on finding the one just doesnt reflect all peoples realities.
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In fact, each year, roughlyeight in 1,000 marriages in the U.S.end in divorce.
Below are some questions that can help you assess just that.
Why am I dating?
Get clear on whatyouwant from the experience of dating itself.
Focusing on what others want from you will only disconnect you from your own desires and enjoyment.
Are you dating for sexual experiences?
To identify qualities that make you feel safe?
To meet interesting people?
To explore your sexuality?
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To try new experiences?
Exploring these various goals can allow you to shift how you experience the path toward them.
What about dating is stressing me out?
And how can I address it?
Say you have a bad date or one that doesnt result in a second date.
Externalizing these self-critical voices will allow you to create distance from them and question their truth.
What needs to shift for me to take the pressure off the dating experience?
Imagine making a decision with a gun to your head.
Do you believe you would think clearly and from a grounded place under such a circumstance?
And when you make choices from a place of fear, you bring that energy to the experience.
Do I want to live a life that is centered on romantic or platonic love?
Love and devotion can also be found through friends, neighbors, and coworkers.
The problem isnt with prioritizing these relationships; its with ascribing to a culture that does not.
But that doesnt negate the fact that a different relational structure might better align with your values or desires.
Or, to separate your sexual relationships from your emotional ones?
When I am focused on romantic love, what am Inotnurturing in my life?
Which hopes and dreams might you be putting on the back burner when youre focused on dating?
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