I craved a chance to let my shame become pride.
Hed lived in Chicago all throughout college and knew the perfect intersection along the parade route.
We went to a bar, but I didnt drink.
I wanted a clear head for my first Pride.
I didnt feel gay enough or queer enough to even interact with anyone.
I felt like an imposter wrapped in a rainbow flag.
…
Noticing my mood change from a giddy excitement to indifference, my friend asked, Whats wrong?
Nothing, I said as I floated above my body.
Compartmentalization and separation were my two truths for a long time.
I was tired of pretending to be someone else during every interaction with my family.
My Lutheran upbringing taught me the definition of pride as one of the seven cardinal sins.
To commit a sin is to make a serious error, I was told.
I saw the world redefined by the Churchs labeling of pride.
In college, I learned how hubris most often led to the heros downfall.
The month of June is dedicated to pride in commemoration of the 1969Stonewall Riots.
At that point,being gayhad been presented to me as a choice and as a sin.
I rooted myself within my communityreading queer writers, watching staple queer films, and researching queer artists.
Once I started to look, I saw myself everywhere.
Slowly, my shame gave way to celebration, finally realizing just how much there is to celebrate.
Slowly, my shame gave way to celebration, finally realizing just how much there is to celebrate.
I began to think of the ways Id tell my family.
Pride is the antonym of shame.
I called my grandma first, then my mom, my other grandparents, and lastly, my dad.
I felt the energy I had put into splitting two worlds start dissolving into one.
When I saw my mom next, we sat on her couch and we cried.
When I saw my dad, I cried on his couch for just as long.
…
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