But what if your definition of the best is different from theirs?
How can you learn to accept the differences in your relationship while still supporting a partners growth?
However, your partner may look at their life and see the solution for stress very differently.
Its only natural for the brain to assume that our reality is the objective reality, after all.
And those are unlikely to match up perfectly with those of a partner.
The only caveat is if the differences at stake involve your core values.
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Notice your similarities and differences, and discuss how you feel about the differences.
Do these feel like differences you might live with?
If the answer is no, its time to consider whats preventing you from letting this person go.
As individuals, we undergo a similar process as we grow up.
In our adult relationships, we are constantly juggling our need for togetherness with our need for separateness.
For example, you may not like that your partner is quiet in groups.
Instead of focusing on their silence, notice what comes up for you in these instances.
Are you afraid your partners silence is something that reflects negatively on you?
Does quietness trigger a negative memory or association for you?
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Many times when we dislike something, our inclination is to reject it.
Ask your partner what they like about smoking.
How does it help them?
What does it feel like before they have a cigarette?
How does it feel after?
Ironically, its often acceptance of the way things are that can ultimately open up the possibility for change.
We want them to recollect experiences in the same way as we do.
Some of us want to be right because this has been a strategy to help us avoid disappointment.
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