Things to ask yourself before you cancel plans
1.
Why do I want or need to cancel the plan?
Just dreading hanging out with them?
Reflect on why these negative feelings are surfacing, says Romney.
Does this friendship require outsized energy investment?
What might be getting in the way of being excited to see this friend?
friendship coach, author ofFighting for Our Friendships, and host of theFriend Forwardpodcast
Ask yourself: Does this friendship require outsized energy investment?
What might be getting in the way of being excited to see this friend?
Is my attendance actually an obligation or a choice?
Thinking we have to do something may create more unnecessary anxiety and stress.
What are the potential repercussions of my last-minute cancellation?
Consider whether your cancellation will have a large, lasting impact on the event or friendship, suggests Jackson.
Ask yourself: Will your absence jeopardize the event in a big way?
Was the host counting on you to bring something or do something at the event?
Were you the one who was going to drive?
friendship coach, author ofFighting for Our Friendships, and host of theFriend Forwardpodcast
What is the best excuse to cancel plans?
Instead, honesty really is the best policy for excuses.
If youabsolutely muststretch the truth, however, Gottsman suggests giving a blanket no over a fabricated story.
While that certainly creates room for interpretation, both experts say its still a better alternative than lying outright.
How do you politely cancel at the last minute?
While each situation is unique, thereisan etiquette to canceling plans.
Clarity, too, is crucial when backing out gracefully from concrete plans.
Call, dont text
Texting is casual, by nature.
And you canceling last-minute is probably not a casual thing to the person whos being canceled on.
Apologize upfront
The words, Im sorry, should be said first and foremost, says Jackson.
Cant commit to something anytime soon?
After youve canceled last-minute once, youre in a bit of friendship debt, so to speak.
But remember that most of the time, its not personal, says Dr. Crain.
How late is too late to cancel?
Still, sh*t happens, and sometimes you cant control when the need to back out arises.
According to Dr. Crain, an appropriate time to cancel last minute is usually about 48 hours before.
This typically leaves enough of a cushion for the receiver to adjust their plans around your absence.
However, the amount of heads-up time thats considered polite is still situation-dependent, she adds.
Cancelling on a lunch meeting versus a wedding, for example, would warrant different amounts of time.
Should I feel guilty for canceling plans?
Especially in our society, were programmed to overextend, not under-extend, says Dr. Crain.
This pressure of presence, however, can set our future selves up for failure.
Check in with yourself and your mental state, suggests Dr. Crain.
Are you having a good week or a bad week?
Are you going through something?
Will you be a good attendee at the party?
Having that kind of self awareness creates a good barometer for making plans.
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