Despite what the Spice Girls said, some friendships aren’t meant to last forever.
How to handle those changes, according to a therapist.
Yet as we age, friendships get complicated, oftentimes instigating confusion and grief.
Friendships fizzle out for a number of reasons, some explicable and others less so.
Whats the difference between normal shifts in closeness and detrimental distance that signifies an end is near?
What does it mean if you keep postponing that drink and make excuses about your availability?
…
With so many demands on our time, we must prioritize who and what is important to us.
While this is completely normal, we do not have a cultural language for addressing these relationship-destabilizing changes.
Many of us tend to avoid addressing endings and shifts to avoid the associated grief that comes with them.
Society isnt naturally set up for us to make or maintain friendships as adults.
As such, many people put platonic friendships on the back burner.
5 questions for making choices in the name of closeness and authenticity
1.
Does this relationship have value to me?
What do you appreciate about them?
How do you feel in your body when you consider spending time with them?
…
Also, think about what you still get from the connection.
Does the familiarity still have value to you?
Does it feel good to have someone who knows about your past in your present?
Are there still things you enjoy about each other?
How do I feel about giving in this relationship?
If you have started to feel resentment, it means that you are giving beyond your limit.
Resentment leads to distance and in some cases contempta predictor of relational demise.
Oftentimes, we believe that if we discuss the tough stuff this will lead to a rupture.
Consider doing so an act of advocacy for yourselfandfor the relationship.
Can I wait for this person?
The life course is long.
There may be periods of distance with each other, and others of closeness.
How might you let them know youre giving them space and youre wanting to connect when they are ready?
Can I say goodbye?
In dominant white American culture, goodbyes are often avoided.
…
Got it, you’ve been added to our email list.
