My husband loves golf, and I love my husbandbut how did I gethere?
Im a writer and a reader, a rom-com-drama watcher and a sunbather.
I find competition difficult to enjoy because I feel sad that one person or team has to lose.
one of the few times Ive gone golfing: Who even are you?
Hobbies and interestsare something that individuals in a couple might share or do separately.
My then-boyfriend, now-husband Ryan was watching the Masters in our small Williamsburg apartment.
couples therapist and owner of Healing Connections
It was Patrick Reed, the frontrunner for the tournament.
Soon, I found myself on the couch, yelling at the screen for Reed to miss, dammit!
I wondered how all the other players were letting thistotal Steff McKeerun away with this?
Throughout the next half-decade, my stance on golf changed.
I started to learn the names of the golfers.
I call my favoritesJordan Spieth, Collin Morikawa, and Viktor Hovlandmy boyfriends.
I still wont, you know, actively put a golf tournament on TV myself.
But if Ryan has one playing, Ill contentedly watch it, comment, and root for my boyfriends.
That golf course at the end of my familys street?
couples therapist and owner of Healing Connections
Now, the restaurant/bar at our local nine-hole course is one of my favorite places to hang out.
You wont catch me on a full 18-hole course, though.
Thats still just Ryans thing.
I knew Ryan wanted to go, and I deeply wanted to grant him that opportunity.
Making him that happy would makemehappy.
But I wanted to go, too.
That it looked like Brooks Koepka was going to run away with it.
Had I gone too far in taking on my husbands hobby as my own?
Am I actually really enjoying this?
Am I still me?
Had I gone too far in taking on my husbands hobby as my own?
Am I actually really enjoying this?
Am I still me?
There are so manybenefits to having hobbiesthat people forget to mention.
That means theyre part of what you bring to your relationship and the life you build as a couple.
You might be surprised by what you learn.
That can be a healthy part of the give-and-take of a relationship.
I guess golf hasnt quite made it to just my side of the circle.
Really be intentional about nourishing your circle, says couples therapistGenesis Games, LMHC.
Our side of the circle should not be empty.
Part of that sense of self is not just what you do, but what you believe.
For me, that meant being at this specific tournament made sharing in this hobby with my husband tricky.
I was clearly teetering toward being more earnestly invested in golf.
Is that a form of self-erasure for having previously not cared at all?
Or is this just a somewhat unexpected and maybe even fun part of who I am now?
The people we surround ourselves with are constantly having an impact on our interests, personalities, and values.
Our differences, in fact, are one of the reasons that our relationship contains growth.
Parts of us evolve with different people in our lives, Stanizai says.
She was also attending in part because it was a dream of her partners.
We laughed and I thought,Yes.
The things we do for love.
But also, the things love does to, and for, us.
Its a part of joining life together and building a life together, Games.
Because, like, courtesy and decorum).
When I picture him there, taking that moment for himself, my heart swells.
…
Got it, you’ve been added to our email list.
