Is therapy worth it for couples?
Experts share why couples therapy and marriage counseling are effective in rebuilding relationships.
Wondering how to find a couples therapist whos right for you?
So then people can have this [shameful feeling] of Whats wrong with me?
My relationship isnt like that.
The reality is that being a human is very messy.
Licensed Clinical Social Worker and author ofHere’s the Memo
What happens in couples therapy?
The therapist will ask questions about your history as a couple and the things your relationship is struggling with.
The therapist may also ask what your expectations are in terms of your therapy goals.
A therapist may use this session as an opportunity to outline the therapy techniques they use within their practice.
The one thing that everybody says is Were having a hard time communicating, says Audrey Schoen, LMFT.
This isnt wrong, but its not the whole story.
Usually what theyre actually having a problem with is self-regulation.
A breakdown of communication is usually a symptom of a bigger issue.
What kind of therapist is best for couples?
Licensed Clinical Social Worker and author ofHere’s the Memo
Still wondering how to find a couples therapist whos right for you and your partner?
Couples therapy is a specific kind of psychotherapy aimed at improving relationship satisfaction and moderating conflict resolution between couples.
So, if youre mulling over how to find a couples therapist, consider the following.
You dont want to just go to somebody because they have letters behind their name.
What is the difference between couples therapy and marriage counseling?
Marriage counseling can be a broad term.
It could be maintenance.
It could be preparation, or wanting to jump-start your marriage.
Does gender matter when choosing a therapist?
As Margolis explains, People have different triggers.
The study suggests that women may have a preference in the sex of their therapist.
It is especially relevant when the clients are women experiencing female sex-specific problems.
Will a couples therapist tell you to break up?
A therapist should not tell a couple if they should break up, Margolis says.
I would say [a therapist is] there to facilitate good and healthy communication.
What is the most effective form of couples therapy?
Emotionally Focused Therapy(EFT) is viewed as one of the most effective forms of therapy for couples.
There are manycommon relationship problems, though, that may be more urgent than any communication barriers.
Sex desire differences, frequency, or satisfaction will also bring couples [into therapy].
Often, the difficulty of communicating is actually a symptom of the problem.
Its not the problem itself.
Your partner could become defensive and that could be the initial reaction to pain.
They may worry, Are you saying theres something wrong with me?
Are you saying theres something wrong with the relationship?
Are you going to reject me?
They may feel as if theyre being pushed away or judged, Sillman says.
Schoen provides a gentle approach to the topicif your partner wont go to therapyinitially.
One of the best ways to approach it is to share the facts.
We are struggling, and there are some things that were not making movement on, Schoen suggests.
Express that I want to want you.
I want to be happy with you, and I want that for you, too, Schoen adds.
Now, its time to attend your first session.
The hard part is also reflecting on your contribution to the problem, Schoen says.
Thats a big pattern Ive noticed in the couples that Ive worked with.
The biggest challenge is not understanding their own needs.
It can create a shift in the way that theyre thinking and connecting.
Plus, [individual therapy] only enhances the work you do in couples therapy.
Should couples have different therapists?
Margolis explains, however, that many therapists prefer not to provide individual therapy outside of couple therapy sessions.
One of the cardinal rules of couples therapy is theres no secrets.
I dont even start the session until both people arrive.
I do not text one person, even about an appointment without all 3 of us on the text.
There are no secrets.
What are the disadvantages of couples therapy?
Each of the three experts Well+Good spoke with highlighted the same key disadvantage to couples therapy.
A2016 study3reiterates Schoens point, stating that professionals are cautious to risk the possibility of violent retaliation between partners.
Does couples therapy mean the relationship is over or can it fix a broken relationship?
Attending couples therapy does not mean a relationship is over or beyond repair.
(Spoiler alert: it probably isnt.)
Schoen explains that couples should have realistic expectations when entering therapy before determining the future of their relationship.
The reality is you waited 10 years before entering therapy.
You cant expect 10 years of damage to be repaired in five sessions.
In this instance, things can still improve, but the road to recovery is longer.
Everybody comes in wanting their way, wanting the therapist to side with them.
How long should you stay with the same couples therapist?
For example, professionals like Sillman provide coaching that prioritizes personal advocacy.
I find sometimes people come to therapy, and they give up their own power, Sillman says.
They dont feel like they can advocate [for themselves].
I always encourage people to trust their bodies and trust their feelings, Sillman concludes.
What is the failure rate of couples counseling?
These benefits include better communication between partners, stronger relationship dynamics, and overall improvement of each partners well-being.
The key to seeing these results?
Attend therapy as soon as the issues in your relationship start to repeat themselves.
As Sillman reminds us, A relationship is a living being, too, and needs care.
Lebow, Jay L. et al.
Research on the Treatment of Couple Distress.Journal of Marital and Family Therapy vol.
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