Advise from a trauma therapist on having a parent who struggles with mental illness.
But when the child becomes an adult, a new set of challenges arises.
Two people may love each other fiercely, yet see the world differently.
She has worked in various parameters with individuals of different ages, cultures, and socioeconomic backgrounds.
I know this dynamic all too well.
Ever since I was a child, my father has had mental health issues.
Stacy Cesar is a mental health counselor with experience in individual, family, couples and group therapy. She has worked in various settings with individuals of different ages, cultures, and socioeconomic backgrounds. Stacy has experience working with clients dealing with depression, anxiety, relationship issues, trauma, family conflict, criminal history and more.
Back then, marginalized people were too busy focusing on survival to have conversations about mental health.
Sometimes, I realize that weve had months of getting along smoothly.
Other times, we need cooling-off periods.
(Did I mention that our temperaments are very, very similar?)
Here, trauma-informed therapist Stacy Cesar, MHC-LP, shares advice for people living with traumatic family dynamics.
You are not alone in this, although it can feel that way, she says.
Get really clear on what support you have outside of your home.
Boundaries are guidelines you put in place to protect yourself as you navigate various adult relationships, she says.
They provide a guideline of how you expect and want to be treated.
Stacy Cesar is a mental health counselor with experience in individual, family, couples and group therapy. She has worked in various settings with individuals of different ages, cultures, and socioeconomic backgrounds. Stacy has experience working with clients dealing with depression, anxiety, relationship issues, trauma, family conflict, criminal history and more.
Consider this prompt as an example:When you say _______, it makes me feel bad/sad/down/etc.
In the future, can you like not call me this or say this to me?
I would really appreciate it.
This language does not make me feel good.
Often, people who can set boundaries with friends and co-workers struggle to do so with relatives.
But you have to stay firm and enforce those boundaries.
Consistency is important, Cesar says.
Practice self-compassion
Be compassionate to yourself, Cesar says.
You are navigating how you might show up for yourself and someone else at the same time.
It takes a lot of patience, self-assessment, self-awareness, and mental work.
Tell yourself, I am doing good and utilizing the resources available to me right now.'
These are all indications that the problem is not getting better.
A qualifying clinician can help you process everything that you are feeling.
Often, this will result in uncovering triggers, Cesar says.
Whatever your decision is, it is okay.
Hold space for your parent
Parents are people, tooand nobodys perfect.
While you are not responsible for healing your parents mental illness, there are ways you might support them.
A few ideas:
Talk about it
Hold space for each other.
Have conversations with your parents about their mental illness.
Ask questions and communicate about it.
Find out your parents love language and utilize it.
attempt to communicate about appointments openly to eliminate the negative emotions that may come up.
Find community connections
What community support do they have?
confirm they are connected.
Just like anyone else, feeling like youre a part of something feels good.
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