sexologist and host of the podcastSex With Dr. Jess
Never heard oflove languages?
But Dr. OReilly says its really not.
What Is the Words of Affirmation Love Language?
Words of affirmation, she adds, can include compliments, appreciation, and acknowledgement of your partner.
Both these practices have practical benefits.
Research has shown thatfeeling understood and accepted by partners increases relational satisfactionandshowing gratitude increases life satisfaction.
Aditi Paul, PhD, is a professor and mixed-methods researcher based in New York City.
And words of affirmation (or any love language for that matter) isnt just for romantic relationships.
This includes giving and receiving words of affirmation from your parents, children, bosses, and employees.
How To Use Words of Affirmation
1.
Dr. Paul says any form of written words of affirmation can work.
it’s possible for you to quote a passage from a poem or story, she says.
Generally people who are inclined towards words of affirmation are looking for specific and personalized messages, she adds.
They want to hearwhyyou love them andhowyou love them.
For example, what actions or personality traits do you appreciate about them?
Thinking about that could help you make what you say more meaningful and impactful to both of you.
Aditi Paul, PhD, is a professor and mixed-methods researcher based in New York City.
Leave surprise notes
Surprising your partner with notes is another way to express words of affirmation.
If theyre going on a business trip, you’re free to leave little notes in their suitcase.
Or, you’re able to put one in their lunch bag, Dr. OReilly says.
Its fun to surprise your partner!
People are really good at picking up what is authentic behavior and what is fluff, she says.
When you use words of affirmation, mean them.
Remember that words of affirmations dont have to be these grand gestures complete with big words and flowery language.
Be mindful and intentional about your interactions with your partner, Dr. Paul says.
He took the laundry out without you asking him to?
She started the car so the drivers seat gets warmed up before you get into the car?
Say I love you for doing that!
Keep it small, keep it significant.
The same goes for other relationships as well.
The key, Dr. Paul says, is to do it consistently.
With practice, youll incrementally become more and more comfortable using words to express your feelings.
If youre someone who cant take a compliment, this can be challenging.
Im not used to accepting words of love, but Im working on it.'
Just start with that, she says.
Just like with other languages, it can take work to become fluent in a love language.
The important part is that you and your partner are expressing your love to one another.
And thats something thats appreciated no matter what language you speak.
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