Sibling therapy helps siblings work through issues.
One writer shares how this throw in of family therapy helped her and her sister grow closer.
No matter what cushion I hopped on, I lost.
Even when we shared a school, it felt like we were worlds apart.
She was introspective, athletic, brainy.
I was loud, dramatic, sensitive.
a licensed marriage and family therapist and the author ofWho Are You and What Have You Done with My Kid?
We disagreed on everything, down to what to make for lunch or watch on TV.
For me, it felt like nothing I could do was ever good enough for her.
As we grew up, the distance only grew.
Instead of bonding over shared coming-of-age experiences, it felt like everything I did annoyed her.
Anytime I asked her questions about her personal life, she would ignore me.
To her friends, she was open, carefree, and happy.
But around me, she was tense, grumpy, and constantly over it.
But I never stopped trying to win her affections, well into our adulthood.
I felt judged and alone.
a licensed marriage and family therapist and the author ofWho Are You and What Have You Done with My Kid?
I left that visit not wanting to spend time with her anymore.
Meanwhile, Allia told my dad that the gathering made her energized and hopeful over our relationship.
It was clear my sister and I were on different pages.
- My dad told my sister how I was feeling, and she called me to talk about it.
Connect with Your Tween While They Are Still Listening.
Therapy can be extremely beneficial for anyone who is ready to put in the work.
This is exactly what my sister and I set out to do.
She got her own room and life moved onand didnt understand why I couldnt, too.
Of course, we talked a lot about our parents divorce.
But there were some other painful incidents for us to unpack, too.
Allia always hated it growing up when I would steal her clothes and then lie about it.
She thought it was rude and annoying.
Since all I wanted was to be like my big sister, I did it anyway.
In hindsight, I probably should have told her that back in school.
In my case, it was abandonment.
For my sister, it was sadness.
But Allia was the opposite.
She never shared, and in turn, it looked like she was fine from the outside.
Our parents responded differently to their perception of our individual needs, which contributed to this disconnect.
Supporting this new foundation were new skills we both learned in therapy on how to communicate and problem solve.
One tool that has been extremely helpful for us both is showing up with more curiosity.
Eventually, it was finally time for us to graduate.
One guideline that my therapist had was that all our sessions were together.
I no longer feel like I am pressuring her to be my friend because that bond finally feels natural.
Dr. Craig recommends starting small, asking them to start with one session.
Dr. Craig also recommends being honest with your sibling and telling them what your goal is with sibling therapy.
I always encourage people to bring your softer side to therapy.
This can help disarm the situation and make it more approachable.
I no longer feel like I am pressuring her to be my friend because that bond finally feels natural.
Now we do puzzles, play board games, and sing and dance together.
Thats not to say there still arent arguments.
Im forever grateful that my sister and I took this step together.
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