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I scanned the suburban sidewalk: Whose lawn would be better to puke in?
It was a Sunday morning, August 1, and I was running.
I hated myself for it.
…
Mostly, I hated my own weakness.
Half a mile in and already looking for somewhere to puke.
I stared at my own feet, immobile.
It felt like failure.
Men in Crocs fired up lawnmowers.
Women swung garden hoses.
They looked neither happy nor unhappy.
Their faces mirrored my own: Sweaty, resigned, hiding the guilt about their own exhaustion.
Languishinghas defined the past year, for me and arguably for everyone else.
…
We all know the feeling: Stagnant.
Most days pass in a blur of emails and dirty dishes.
Did I go anywhere?
Did I accomplish anything?
Shouldnt I be over this feeling by now?
(Make new friends, write, volunteer.)
No one has a rope to pull us out.
This summer, sick of fighting through the malaise, I made a decision: Enough.
It was time to get unstuck.
I needed something to throw myself into, something to strive toward.
The act of runninghurtling forward, leaving the past behindseemed suddenly appealing.
Never mind that I hate running.
Other people like it.
The sidewalk is available and free to use.
How hard could it be?
The first time I ran, I made it to the end of my neighborhood street before seeing spots.
A fitness app blinked at me, Done already?Id made it less than one-third of a mile.
Take baby steps, shallow and short.
See how far you get.
To my utter astonishment, it worked.
In the last week of July, I ran the first mile Id ever completed in my adult life.
I sat on the curb in a sports bra, covered in sweat, wiping tears from my eyes.
Why does achieving goals feel so good?
The more you feel like youcanmake progress, the more youwill.
Small goals can be a way to get unstuck.
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So if one run felt good, more would feel better.
I set a new goal comprised of small goals.
In August, I would run one mile per day, every day.
31 runs, 31 miles.
It seemed so simple, so achievable.
I would march forward.
Small goals can be a way to get unstuck.
Then I sipped that peanut butter whiskey on Julys last Saturday night.
August arrived with a harsh truth: Moving forward was going to hurt.
Every one of my runs was painful.
My shins, my calves, my ankles.
There is no cheating the act of running.
Its your feet against concrete.
I ran every day, only pausing on that first day of August.
Along with the aches, completion brought comfort.
What did I do today?
I ran one mile.
To reach the end.
Who decided the end?
It was one mile away.
Too often, exercise is presented as another item on the endless to-do list of wellness.
Its a project we can work on all the time, and thereforeshouldwork on all the time.
It could be green juice.
It could be a sprint.
Splitting pizza with a pal?
You could be at SoulCycle.
The pressure is constant.
The work of improving yourself is never done.
Why not take a day off from a project that could conceivably last a lifetime?
Why not finish that Netflix series?
When nothing is defined, nothing is at stake.
In our frictionless, on-demand world, limitations are extremely helpful.
During the month of August, I couldnt hold myself responsible for accomplishing everything I wanted to do.
I couldnt go to a dozen dinner parties, finishWar and Peace, or prepare my tax returns.
I had to run.
Setting goals isnt just the act of assigning priorities.
Its the act of eliminating optionality.
Its about making choices.
Its purpose is not to achieve lean calves or glistening abs, but to earn your own self-respect.
It can be done in any number of ways.
Grow a tomato from seed.
Land an ollie on a skateboard.
Pick something to work on, and work at it every day.
Discover it’s possible for you to accomplish hard things.
Trust in your own perseverance.
When the worlds challenges appear, youll be ready.
I did that, you’re able to say, pointing at your track record.
I can do this.
…
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