Dating with autism comes with its unique challenges.
One writer shares how being her authentic self has changed her experience.
Not thinking twice that a new boyfriend punched walls whenever he misplaced his keys.
Gushing about my love for the Borderlands video game series until a crushs eyes glazed over.
I always thought I was just painfully awkward with terrible social anxiety.
I realized that it was important I bring my full self to my dating life.
an autistic psychotherapist and the founder of Share Transformative Therapy and Wellness in Clearwater, Florida
And that started with being up-front about who I am.
Today, with this new self-awareness, Im doing things differently.
And its helped me have a more fulfilling romantic life full of connection and closeness.
And that started with being up-front about who I am.
The first (and only) crush I told about my diagnosis is now my partner.
I shared that I was autistic and that journey of self-discovery very casually via text.
We should chat one day, he replied.
Its interesting how its helping you understand things for yourself better.Phew, I remember thinking.Acceptance.Non-judgment.
And thats exactly what we do.
an autistic psychotherapist and the founder of Share Transformative Therapy and Wellness in Clearwater, Florida
Although I may be particular, its not all about me.
His needs matter, too.
(It really is as simple as speaking up and talking things out!)
Getting clarity for better understanding
Auditory processing isnt my strong suit.
Nine times out of 10, that would lead to miscommunication and misunderstandings (for obvious reasons).
I dont leave room for ambiguity anymore.
For me, it could be as simple as, What do you mean by that?
or Was that sarcasm, or are you being serious?
Granted, that ruins the punchline, but I already did.
Setting clear boundaries and guidelines
Ivealwaysstruggled with change, especially sudden change.
Even the smallest shift in plans can ruin my mood and throw off my whole night.
To accommodate, Dr. Sultan says establishing expectations up front can help reduce uncertainty.
This might look like talking about preferredcommunication stylesand comfort levels in social tweaks.
We sit in the cozy corner of the lounge at a music venue.
Swinging by a social event for an hour and not dancing at weddings is ideal for both of us.
Choosing a familiar and comfortable setting for a date can really help ease any anxiety, adds Ferrauiolo.
Knowing what to expect can make a big difference.
For me, that predictability is vital.
Dating as an autistic person takes a village.
Im incredibly fortunate to have her.
Embrace the unique perspectives and strengths that we bring to relationships.Yes.
Autism is a spectrum disorder, meaning that it presents differently for everyone.
I may still be painfully awkward, but Im proud of how clear I can communicate.
I might have specific needs, but I know myself now better than I ever have before.
I also know that Im not broken or unloveable.
Im thankful that I have found a loving partner and am surrounded by people who love me for me.
If youre a fellow autistic person navigating the wild waters of the dating world, dont lose hope.
Know that this is possible for you, too.
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