After her mom died, one writer found herself alone.
Now, she says learning to be alone is what’s made her most happy and fulfilled.
I didnt mind being alone at the time because it was always temporary; Mom always came home.
But when I was 22, she died unexpectedly, and being alone was no longer so magical.
She became my life purpose, with her daily routine a key part of mine.
After she died, every day felt like an abyss of empty minutes I didnt know how to fill.
clinical psychotherapist and author ofEnd of the Hour: A Therapist’s Memoir
Id been a caregiver for so long, and I never learned how to put myself first.
I couldnt comprehend how I could devote my life to anyone elseincluding myself.
My immediate response to my moms passing was to fill the void with romantic relationships.
I convinced myself that I didnt need anybodyas a defense mechanism or anything else.
Theres a part of your brain that says Lets check that that doesnt happen again.
Whether by avoiding another attachment or leaning into self-sufficiency, its protecting you from disappointment.
I indeed now feel most at home in my own company.
When Im around others, Im preoccupied with their presence.
Its why I see adinner reservation for oneas my ideal scenario.
clinical psychotherapist and author ofEnd of the Hour: A Therapist’s Memoir
I can more mindfully taste my food because Im not distracted by conversation.
Even better; it means I dont have to organize my itinerary around someone elses wants or needs.
There is so much in life that we are existentially alone for.
People think its bad to be alone, but it justis.
Loneliness and being aloneare crucially not the same thing.
And, to be clear, loneliness isnt something I desire or something I feel often.
Suffering doesnt come from being alone, but rather wanting things to be different than how they are.
Valentines Day is an example of a time when I tend to feel lonely.
Back then, I wasnt alone but I was still lonely.
Its about a sense of connection that grounds you as a human in a particular way.
Doing so allows us to better understand what fills up our cup.
Still, its my relationship with myself that I believe is the most important one Ill ever have.
Im still learning to allow myself to fully revel in the joy of being on my own.
…
Got it, you’ve been added to our email list.
