Your Low-Stress Guide to Leveling-Up Your Bedtime Routine
Are You Burnt Out or Depressed?
When I dialed up another, the eldest, to complain about the insult, her response was unexpected.
It seemed my sister was acknowledging that I was born this way.
So, I called her again the next day.
What did you mean, that I was born a girl?
I wasnt, however, given hormones at the time.
…
I remember looking up at the sky at a very young age: Why am I so different?
I just felt like there werent many people like me, and that I was really alone.
I was a boy but feminine.
Then, one day in kindergarten, my teacher noticed there was a penis beneath my dress.
In the years that followed, I was forced to conform to gender norms as a boy.
The small act of rebellion I was still allowed was a refusal to wear pants.
I wore shorts year-round instead, which earned me the nicknamechores(the Spanish word for shorts).
This revelation dredged up the memory of an appointment Id attended with my father when I was 13.
I remembered that the doctor had asked me if I wanted to take estrogen or testosterone.
…
I didnt know what he meant, but I told him I didnt want to take anything.
To his credit, this rural Washington state doctor didnt tell my father the truth.
I became depressed and attempted suicide on multiple occasions.
After the last time failed, I decided I was just going to be whoever I wanted.
I left home for Los Angeles to attend the Fashion Institute of Design & Merchandising.
There I met my best friend Johanna.
She told me that she was trans, and I said, I am, too.
So, I began to transition via hormone therapy.
I argued that they were, too, not realizing at the time what she was trying to say.
He told my brother-in-law to call all of his daughters into the room.
When we were gathered, he said, You are all my daughters.
There was another revelation in this time period, too.
The uncle shed mentioned, the one shed not wanted me to end up like, was also intersex.
(By the way, intersex bodies often recur in family trees.)
This revelation helped me to heal my relationship with her, though she was already passed.
With all of these realizations, I began the process of healing.
Learning that I was intersex, however, threw my life into a tailspin.
At the time, I was doing trans advocacy work, and I wondered if I was an imposter.
I didnt know if I should separate myself not just from my work but from the trans community.
Instead, I added an identity for which I could advocate: intersex.
Since then, Ive identified as intersex trans femme.
I started to acknowledge my femininity and my masculinity at the same time.
It takes innumerable forms.
Youre doing it without their consent, and youre changing their entire lives.
And yet, these surgeries are happening in secret all over the United States, and globally.
Were not close to enlightenment around this, though.
We have a dominant gender and a submissive gender.
To me, the intersex gender can help us to balance this imbalanced dynamic.
I think thats what were brought into the world to be: balance.
I think theres something very beautiful about having both genitalia.
to strangers that make them uncomfortable and uneasy about their bodies.
Thats what worked for me.
The intersex population has historically been erased, rendering it all but invisible.
…
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