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Theres a pivotal moment I wait for during every episode ofTop Chef.
After the judges take their first bites, theres a pause of possibility.
Will they hate the dish, or will they love it?
registered dietitian based in Charlotte, NC, and the founder of The Intuitive Dietitian.
What are they tasting, exactly?
Umami, sugar, acidity?
Will these flavors guarantee a win or send one chef packing?
Yes, the first taste moment is a staple of most cooking reality TV shows.
I developed an eating disorder in 2015, when I was in college.
Even though I lived in New York Citya major gastronomical epicenterI rarely went out to eat.
Better to stay homewhere I could control every last calorie, I thought.
I never really tasted my food beyond noting if something needed more or less salt.
(Though the term healed has never felt quite apt to me).
registered dietitian based in Charlotte, NC, and the founder of The Intuitive Dietitian.
Consider how, for example, we tend to sortfood into moral categoriesthat we quickly internalize.
What would it look like if we allowed all of these foods in and mindfully savored the foods?
Id been working closely with a therapist to define what myfuture relationship with food might be.
Letting go of binary thinking with food is a form of food freedom, Bunich says.
How they taste alone or paired with foods.
The energy they give your body alone or in combination with other foods.
I think of intuitive eating as a call and response.
My body tells me what it wants and I (attempt to) listen.
But as I said, there arelayersof eating disorder recovery, and I was about to discover another.
I wanted something to watch that would keep me interested without requiring too much brain power.
The show helped teenage me begin my own cooking journey.
I would time myself at the grocery store.
I would ask my mom to buy me overpriced cookbooks from Anthropologie.
I would make pasta and even try Julia Child recipes from scratch.
My love of cooking burned brightuntil my eating disorder extinguished it.
I wondered, Why dont I expect more of the foodIeat?
It taught me how to taste and smell, how to own what I liked and didnt.
I learned that theres an intimacy of making a dish for someone you love.
And, of course, it taught me the power of that first biteand how good something can taste.
Slowly, a realization dawned on me.
A blend of sweet and sour.
Something, anything surprising.
I sat up on my couch and wondered, Why dont I expect more of the foodIeat?
Inspired by several chefs attempts, I made dumplings from scratch.
Did I almost cry when the dough became to dry?
Did I eat and love them anyway?
I was in search of delight, and delight requires risk.
Most of us get into a routine of eating the same foods, says Bunich.
In other words, expanding my palate and trying new things isgenuinely good for your body and soul.
Its more than just calorie counts and macros and fuel.
I wont pretend thatTop Chefs Quickfires and Elimination Challenges have stripped me of my diet culture conditioning for good.
Its still here within me, and I think Ill live with it for a long time.
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