My father passed from cancer just a week before lockdown.
Your Low-Stress Guide to Leveling-Up Your Bedtime Routine
Are You Burnt Out or Depressed?
The global pandemic meant I never got to mourn the way I thought I would.
I wanted so desperately to go to a yoga class, and let it all out.
I wanted to see friends, drink wine, and cry.
COVID, social injustice, and fear of the virus were what I was focused on.
…
The global pandemic meant I never got to mourn the way I thought I would.
I realized I didnt even know who I was if I wasnt my dads cancer fighter.
I wanted to make sense of my fathers death.
Instead, I pushed it so far back that it would surface in tears.
Not the bang out you could hide behind your sunglasses.
But big, soak-your-shirt-wet, crying-fit-in-the-middle-of-taking-a-shower tears.
Not only was I missing my father, but I was mourning a sense of normalcy as well.
I had to grieve alone, without the tools I was used to, but Icouldntbe alone.
Why is it our tendency to want to grieve together?
We eat, share stories, and stand together at grave sites.
And then enters COVID.
Turns out I was wrong.
When I shifted my mindset to this new way of mourning, I realized Id been mourning all along.
It just looked different.
Consider setting aside a regular time and place to just sit with memories and photos.
For me, movement has always helped ease any stress or emotional pain Im experiencing.
I craved physical activity more than ever.
Giving myself space, outside the home allowed me to shift my thoughts from grief to gratitude.
Try building a ritual that reminds you of your loved one, says Ter Kuile.
Then, focus on paying attention while practicing the ritual.
I rummaged through his spice racks, and tried to recreate his hummus.
It became something I looked forward to, as a way to memorialize my father.
The beach was my happy place with my father.
I popped in my headphones, listened to Mumford and Sons, and let the tears pour.
It was just what I needed, and had been craving for months.
And remember, Fernandez says, Grief isnt one season.
It weaves its way through our entire life.
We will be able to mourn together again.
…
Got it, you’ve been added to our email list.
