I didnt realize that everyone else would.
The experience of parenting is an overwhelmingly gendered one, and pregnancy is a catapult into that gendered space.
She just didnt believe trans people could chestfeed.
For obvious reasons, I didnt stick with that midwife.
But when my child was born, I did successfully chestfeed.
Im years into parenting and am still carving out room for myself in such a gendered space.
…
To me, motherhood feels linked to womanhood, and Im not a woman.
I never have been.
Even typing this out brings back a wave of discomfort, a complete absence of belonging.
To me, motherhood feels linked to womanhood, and Im not a woman.
I never have been.
Every time I was in a space designed for expecting moms, I felt like a fraud.
When I recovered from labor and delivery, I slept in the Mother Baby Unit.
I was pregnant in New Jersey, a blue state with progressive politics.
Often, it comes from a good place.
…
The compassion and camaraderie between parents can be a force for good.
Among parents, we can joke about the messes we make and the sleep we dont get.
The idea is that were on the same team.
The problem is that the language falls short.
Among parents, we can joke about the messes we make and the sleep we dont get.
The idea is that were on the same team.
The problem is that the language falls short.
Certainly, there are glimmers of progress toward a more inclusive future.
Even Mommy and Me classes Ive attended often have teachers that acknowledge the dated language.
But ultimately, Im a trans parent living in the South.
A year after my son was born, we moved to North Carolina.
Theres a vibrant trans community here, but I have a sense of caution, too.
I find myself looking for friendly bumper stickers before I tell a playground acquaintance my pronouns.
Every week at soccer, Coach John ends the class telling the kids to find their mommies and daddies.
I dont correct him.
My kid knows to come find me.
Its delicate and exhausting.
And it makes a holiday designed for nonbinary parents feel all the more worthwhile.
Im lucky to have fellow nonbinary parents in my life.
Were just waiting for the rest of you to catch up to us.
We choose all kinds of names, like Mapa, Baba, or, in my case, Mimi.
When we introduce our kids to each other, we all have our own languages around pronouns.
The kids never blink.
These are family structures they call home, complete without strict gendered codes.
In families with nonbinary parents, this lack of gendered language comes naturally.
The gender-neutral word parent is already a part of our lexicon and goes a long way.
Families are shaped in so many ways.Broad language allows us to include everyone.
In my little family, being nonbinary is easy.
My kid knows who I am, as does my partner.
And on Nonbinary Parents Day, the world can see me, too.
…
Got it, you’ve been added to our email list.
