Though painful, outgrowing friendships is a ‘normal’ part of life.
In some instances, it even signifies personal growth.
The more, the merrier, Id always thought.
But in 2020, my world certainly became much smaller.
A simple conversation got lost in translation and led to resentment, jealousy, and defensiveness.
But it wasnt just her I lost.
licensed social worker, mental health educator, and relationship expert at eharmony
From needing multiple hands and feet to count my friendships to needing onejust as the old proverb said.
I felt like an unlovable failure.
Why do we outgrow friendships?
Life changes are a big catalyst in how our friendships grow or end.
When I think back to the dismantlement of my former friendship, change played a huge role.
While we may want our friendships to live in the lifetime box, this isnt always the case.
Is there anything wrong with outgrowing friendships?
While it may be painful, outgrowing friendships is a part of life.
There doesnt always need to be a breakdown or bad blood behind it.
licensed social worker, mental health educator, and relationship expert at eharmony
Our relationships play a big role in our mental health.
As Lucas points out, the alternative will have greater effects on you.
We live in a society that honors and upholds longevity in relationships, says Minaa.
Some are seasonal and thats okay.
There can be a lot of ambivalence in friendships, says Lucas.
What can we do when we feel like were outgrowing a friendship?
As we continue to grow within ourselves, its important to reflect on the energy and people around us.
Minaa suggests assessing whether the relationship needs to end or its closeness needs to be recalibrated.
Lucas adds to reflect on what brought you together, and why its different now.
Give yourself some grace.
Youre allowed to evolve, she says.
Allow yourself to lovingly detach from dynamics that are no longer serving you.
That doesnt invalidate the friendship that was.
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