For many parents of kids with disabilities, prioritizing mental health isn’t possible.
Here’s why that is, and why the system must change.
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“He was developing typically until age 2,” Yates recalls.
“We didn’t know he was autistic back then,” Yates says.
“My mental health overall was terrible at the time, and I was very anxious and weepy.”
executive clinical director at theInstitute for Applied Behavior Analysisin Orange, California
Today, Yates sees a therapist.
All of this can negatively affect a parents mental health in both the short- and long-term.
In addition, there are fewer relevant parenting resources and [more] misinformation.
So, your job is harder and youre given fewer resources.
And on top of it, you likely dont have a community who gets it."
Dr. Oswald says that, out of love, many parents put their child’s needs before their own.
They try hard, but then beat themselves up and feel ashamed that theyre not doing better.
And that creates even more need for help, which the parent is even less likely to seek.
“Because of the care that you have to provide for your child, your care absolutely takes… ## Broken systems
To be clear, children are not the cause of parents' mental health challenges.
executive clinical director at theInstitute for Applied Behavior Analysisin Orange, California
“There’s a lot of trauma that goes into parenting kids like ours,” says Kilgore.
The fact that we even have to negotiate is enraging.”
And I think buying a house for most people, though wonderful, is very stressful.
But when it’s over, it’s over."
Take school, for instance.
“I probably worry about money more than anything now.”
“My mental health issues are not stemming from her disability,” she says.
When Miller finally did secure access to services, they were largely based around her daughter’s limitations.
It certainly affected my mental health."
For her family, the move has been transformative.
He has a life outside of Mom and Dad."
“And they aremany,” she says.
She’s been taking care of long-overdue mammograms, dental visits, and her state of mind.
Miller and her husband also decided to move in search of stronger supports for their child.
“All of the assessments are very positive and assets-focused.
That’s been a total change for us.”
Miller and Kilgore acknowledge that simply having the option to move to a new place is a privilege.
Why, they wonder, can’tallkids and families have access to that?
What can be done?
“Those are all really important, but they’re also very individualized solutions.
What does that look like?”
Another important aspect of supporting parental mental health involves addressing the isolation so common among parents of disabled children.
Finding a supportive community can help you feel validated, appreciated, and inspired.
She runs a monthly caregiver support group in the Los Angeles area.
And for people who can’t make it to IRL groups, there’s always Facebook.
“I do not use Facebook for anything other than Groups,” Nenadich says.
“The community of the groups definitely helps with the feelings of isolation.
It’s a group of people who know exactly what you’re going through.”
That doesn’t mean that people without disabilities should back away, though.
It’s okay to be curious.
If someone doesn’t want to talk about it, you’ll be able to tell pretty quickly.
It helps us feel less alone when our friends understand."
Just showing up with empathy can make a significant difference in combating feelings of isolation.
“it’s possible for you to help them feel seen and appreciated.
That can go a long way toward helping them feel less isolated.
Andthatcan be healing.”
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