Should you forgive a cheater?
Experts break down factors like remorse, effort to change, and communication.
Its just human nature.
Other days, you may not understand at all, and find you cant forgive.
If it sounds confusing, thats because it is.
Its a confusing time after all.
licensed marriage and family therapist
Betrayal trauma is like that, Dr. Nelson says.
You dont owe anyone forgiveness, and it’s possible for you to take your time figuring it out.
You dont owe anyone forgiveness, and it’s possible for you to take your time figuring it out.
Why do people cheat?
However, there are some common underlying themes that our experts pointed out:
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These people want to find a way to connect to freedom and who they were before their current relationship.
Perhaps they seek validation or attention, leading them to pursue multiple relationships.
Pros of forgiving a cheater
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Cons of forgiving a cheater
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licensed marriage and family therapist
This distinction is important as it will help allow you to move past things in a healthier way.
The resulting open conversation should help guide you to how and if you should forgive.
Consider therapy
Couples counseling is often helpful, or even crucial, in this process, Lurie says.
Remember to take care of yourself as well, during this time.
When you should forgive a cheater
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Someones character or personality doesnt change so dramatically overnight.
Its possible that things have been difficult for the last couple of months, or even years.
Perhaps your arguments have been escalating, or the passion and intimacy have dwindled.
Moreover, if you both can look back with clarity and recognize when things were good, theres hope.
However, remember that it may be a different story if youre dealing with aserial cheater.
Work on your relationship because youre good parents together.
Successful co-parenting still can happen without partnered parents.
Going through infidelity is extremely painful and throws a grenade into most relationships, says Thompson.
Let this be the one-time thing that leads to a new conversation and better communication.
Dont waste this moment.
When you shouldnt forgive someone who cheated
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Your partner has cheated multiple times
If youre already wondering, how many times should you forgive a cheater?
you likely already know the answer.
Always err on the side of caution in a relationship where you feel betrayed, says Dr. Nelson.
Trust your intuition and never let a partner gaslight you into believing that your fears are not valid.
Should you forgive a cheater even if it means a lack of accountability?
FAQs
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Can a relationship ever go back to normal after cheating?
Does infidelity pain ever go away?
As Lurie notes, Infidelity pain may not go away, but it can change over time.
It is possible to recover a relationship after infidelity, but it will require communication and work.
Can cheating be a one-time mistake?
How do you know if they regret cheating?
Dont demand an apology and dont wait for one without asking.
Listen to your gut instinct.
Does it feel real?
Is your partner sincere?
Its up to you to discern the difference between fear and intuition, she says.
How do you let go of someone who cheated on you?
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