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I dont remember exactly when or why I broke the colander.
But I do remember hurling it across the kitchen all of a sudden, over nothing.
I have never felt grief like this before; I have never lost a parent before.
…
So the grief that now lives in my house is a new guest.
I have been running, on and off, for 20 years.
But the first time grief came running with me it was an altogether new experience.
For one thing, grief did not enjoy my playlists.
I wanted none of that.
I wanted to be consumed by my feet hitting the ground, and the air in my lungs.
Now when I run, I seek out music without lyrics; songs without meaning or memories.
I crave nothingness but weirdly, I get clarity.
Somewhere along the way, the thread untangles and I can figure out what thorny issue is haunting me.
…
I walked home, sheepishly, through a golf course, too tired to run another step.
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The rhythm eases the roaring of my thoughts so I can see them, one at a time.
I get home breathless, and feeling just a little better than when I set off.
For almost every one of my clients, people need movement when they are grieving, she says.
Theres a very heavy feeling that comes with grief and you cant always talk your way out of it.
Im surprised to hear this.
I had thought that to move through my grief Id have to face it, make myself feel it.
But Weber says this isnt always the best strategy.
Most experts agree that exercise is a good idea in general for processing grief.
So far at least, I dont see much danger of running becoming an addiction for me.
When the edgy emotions build up, my sneakers go on.
But running is also a place where I can feel safe from those emotions, rather than overwhelmed.
I am not saying that running is making everything all right.
I am not hitting anything like a runners high.
Running isnt the only way to move through grief.
…
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