Our interpretations of queer friendships and relationships are open to infinite possibilities.
And that’s what makes them so remarkable.
In my late teens and early 20s, dating was a fraught exercise.
Of course, this was not unexpected.
Growing up, the only romantic relationships I saw around me were heterosexual and monogamous.
I tried to replicate that same pattern of intimacy.
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Above all, how was I to understand and accept this reality in the first place?
Queer friendships, built on a shared sense of belonging and care, can be transformative.
Scholars of queer theory have often argued thatqueerness is not necessarily limited to sexuality or sexual orientation.
That leaves our interpretations of queer friendships and relationships open to infinite possibilities.
They can be as adaptable and dynamic as wed like them to be.
They can upend the norms of conventional friendships or do away with them altogether.
While there are no scripts, instances of such intimacies that defied definition are not hard to find.
Historically, queer folks have articulated and practiced a wider spectrum of relationships than cisgender-heterosexual people.
These may have been sexual relationships between those who could not publicly live out their queer lives.
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But often, they were intimate nonsexual friendships.
They are steeped in intellectual and political intimacy as well as a wry humor and a shared vulnerability.
We are both very vulnerable women, Pat, Lorde wrote to Parker in one such letter.
The fact that we used our vulnerabilities to make our greatest strengths makes us powerful women, not failures.
However, this is not necessarily a life trajectory desired by or available to all queer folks.
These contradictions led to a queer loneliness that is both individual and structural.
Dr. Barker uses the concept of mirroring to explain the importance of queer friendships.
Its vital that theyre not always asking ignorant, intrusive questions, making jokes, or using inaccurate language.
I often struggled with feeling invisible as a queer person.
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