Your Low-Stress Guide to Leveling-Up Your Bedtime Routine
Are You Burnt Out or Depressed?
That day, I knew I wasnt fine.
Alcohol was beating me.
I was morelonely, afraid, depressed, and anxiousthan Id ever been.
Six months earlier, my therapist had a gentle and perfectly timed conversation with me.
Ive noticed youre bringing up alcohol a lot.
…
Lets talk about that, she said.
In the back of my mind, I think I had known I was an alcoholic for a while.
I broke them all.
Whats worse, I conveniently had no rules about drinking in my apartment where no one could see me.
I had wonderful friends, but what might those relationships become if I could actually remember our conversations?
On that tough February day, I knew it was time to seriously pursue sobriety.
I had wonderful friends, but what might those relationships become if I could actually remember our conversations?
I committed to sobriety.
I reached out to sober people I knew to ask for advice.
…
I went to meetings every day.
I bought all the books.
I went all-in on my one-day-at-a-time routine.
I was looking forward to a fresh start.
Then the world shut down.
But they assured me that we were in this together and their home was my home.
We fell into a routine; the three adults and their two-year-old daughter, who ran the show.
If I had doubts about the existence of any such entity, I dont anymore.
There is no world in which I would have survived the early days of quarantine on my own.
My friends knew I was sober, and I knew that they knew.
That, along with a continued but adapted-for-Zoom routine, supported me in my initial journey.
There are some aspects of quarantine that have been surprisingly supportive of my sobriety.
The bars have stayed closed for most of the pandemic.
There were no summer pool parties, no work events, no holiday cocktail parties.
Social anxiety, another excuse for my drinking, has been replaced by social distancing.
But, similarly to most people in recovery, my journey has not been linear.
In May, when my housemates left me for a day to take a drive, I drank.
I cant say if I planned it.
I just know it happened.
I confessed to them and to a friend in recovery the next day.
Im not glad it happened, but I can appreciate the result in hindsight.
I found a renewed and more determined commitment to sobriety.
Ive not had a drink since.
Gratitude notwithstanding, recovery will forever be a part of my story.
I moved out in August.
My life feels full in my new little house.
Ivemade a lot of new friendsin recovery that I look forward to meeting in person someday soon.
I sleep better, eat better, and exercise more than I ever have in my adult life.
I have down days and fears, but they dont overwhelm me like they did a year ago.
Gratitude notwithstanding, recovery will forever be a part of my story.
I think about drinking every day.
On those nights, I collapse into bed with only that one accomplishment: I didnt drink today.
Im okay with that.
In May, Ill have a full year of continuous sobriety, fingers crossed.
I cant imagine going back to who I was a year ago.
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