Signs are a common source of comfort for people experiencing grief.
Here’s how I experienced it after months of seeking it on a loved one.
I was running out of things to do.
And so, I logged on.
If youve ever usedTikTok, you know that the algorithm figures you outfast.
Thats when I saw a video that impacted me in ways I could have never predicted.
Jill Cohen, CT, is a family grief counselor based out of New York City, and is certified in Thanatology, the study of Death, Dying and Bereavement, through ADEC, the Association for Death Education and Counseling.
Why not?I thought.
And Id even gotten some.
So one night, I stood out in the street and asked him to send me a sign.
Initially, I settled on uniquely colored cars as my signal.
I think I had seen a lime green car go by as I was meditating on it.
Plus, my dad worked in car sales.
Soon, though, I realized there arewaymore funky colored cars on the road than you might think.
So, in an effort to narrow it down, I randomly tweaked the signal tojust orange Subarus.
Thats an unusual looking car.
Jill Cohen, CT, is a family grief counselor based out of New York City, and is certified in Thanatology, the study of Death, Dying and Bereavement, through ADEC, the Association for Death Education and Counseling.
Life went on without consequence.
But soon, a few curious things started happening.
I think you may recognize it.
I, quite frankly, lost it.
Could it have been coincidental timing?
I couldnt shake the feeling that my message had been received.
If this worked, I thought, maybe the whole signal thing would work, too.
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Toward the end of the trip we planned to meet with the friend from that fateful email for lunch.
When I didnt see my signal on the 45 minute drive, I reassured myself that it was okay.
That it didnt mean anything.
Spotting these cars in the wild has become sort of a love language between friends and I.
If Im with someone who knows about it, well point (scream) it out.
Ill often open my phone to find photo messages of orange Subarus spotted by friends and family.
There are a few in my neighborhood that I now recognize by license plate.
Signs are a common source ofcomfort for people experiencing grief.
They will be in the middle of a tear-filled moment, and theres this smile in the knowingness.
A few people have asked me how I picked my signal.
Its not always easy to find a way to keep someones memory alive that feels good to you.
As Ive processed my grief, it has become easier.
I have filled my home and my life with his belongings.
I ask my family questions about him.
I have his favorite things tattooed on my body.
I listen to more than my fair share of Grateful Dead.
But incorporating this small practice has made me feel close to him in a totally new way.
If Im ruminating on a decision, the signal helps me feel like Im making the right choice.
Each sighting feels like a hello or an Ive got you.
…
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