Here we haveDenise McLane-Davison, PhD, 57, an associate professor of social work at Morgan State University.
Below is a recounting of a recent day in her life in June:
- HOW DO YOU DEFINE SELF-CARE?
Selfish, unapologetic me time where I can fully occupy peace.
DO YOU THINK YOUR SELF-CARE HAS BEEN LACKING BECAUSE OF CURRENT EVENTS?
We are bombarded withimages, media, and formal or casual discussions of the threat of death.
These thoughts consistently invade my peace even when Im engaging in self-care.
…
There are triggers all around that pick at my soul wounds.
WHATS YOUR MOST OFTEN USED FORM OF SELF-CARE?
Does it add or subtract?
I find myself having to constantly redirect my energy.
2 A.M. My 31-year-old daughter and I are working on a 1,000 piece puzzle.
(Ive been living with her and her family in Atlanta since March, when the pandemic hit.)
We talk about how our puzzle has become the new social activity of COVID-19.
Every now and then, we break into dance steps and pretend like we are on stage.
Neither one of us wants to stop doing the puzzle.
…
We are so proud of how much we have accomplished.
We are totally relaxed.
Our brains are no longer consumed by the outside world.
I grab my phone and begin the day monitoring Twitter posts.
I also take a vitamin D chewable supplement and drink some ginger-flavored kombucha.
My daughter is working from home and has CNN on.
We talk about whats happening today.
My granddaughter is playing a virtual game with a friend on her tablet.
My other 33-year-old daughter is on the phone in her bedroom.
My grandson is watching videos on his tablet and drawing pictures of whales and squids.
I tell them that I thought the post was generic, unauthentic, and inaccurate.
Mid conversation, my phone buzzes.Ill call you back, I think.
What is The Missionary Sex Position?
During the call I walk outside from the driveway to the mailbox to get some steps in.
My pedometer counts 360 steps roundtrip.
The symbolism of the number of steps feels significant; full circle.
My friend and I talk about the focus and concern of the NABSW, particularly in this moment.
How should we be caring for our elder members and selves?
How do we set healthy boundaries for our families, organizations, employers, and others?
Seems like its safer to stay put for now.
We, the Black mamas of the world, are in mourning right now!
She and her husband are caring for her elder mother-in-law.
I thank her for calling to check on me and not really having an agenda, just my well-being.
3 P.M.:My mom calls to ensure I am watching the memorial for George Floyd.
She mentions thatReverend Al Sharpton is teaching a history lessonon structural racism.
My daughter and I tune in.
She is on her computer working.
I stand with the people at the memorial for 8 minutes and 46 seconds.
5 P.M.:Mom calls and we talk a lot about the remarks from Al Sharpton.
There have been so many stolen dreams of her generation due to racism.
I always believed my uncles would have been multi-millionaires by now.
They were in the heating and air condition business and electricians.
They had big ideas about solar paneling back in the 1970s but couldnt get financial backing from banks.
I reply, Its overwhelming!
As I walk, I listen to Black Coffee, a South African DJ who specializes in House music.
I take pictures of flowers and the sky as I jog and walk through the neighborhood.
I dance and wave my hands in the air when I hear parts of the songs I like.
I feel free as I run down one of the long streets with a big hill.
7:30 P.M.:Social work friends from Boston have set up a Zoom call.
I expected it to be mostly a work-related call.
We hadnt seen your face and were missing you.
No NABSW conference this year.
We wanted to see how you were doing, my friends tell me.
This is the second call I got today where people just want to check in on me.
This means the world to me.
I dont have to solve anything, just talk and listen.
10 P.M.The house is pretty quiet.
I pull out several journal articles on Black feminism and womanist activism and pedagogy.
I am making notes on them for an upcoming manuscript proposal and edited paper.
Being Black and proud is discouraged.
For a moment, [walking] transports me to happy times dancing with friends…
I feel free as I run down one of the long streets with a big hill.
It is being reported on MSNBC and we are directed to tune in.
I already said I wasnt watching any more news for the daymy boundary for myself.
Someone else mentions seeing an increase in confederate flags.
As a Black woman, I often felt vulnerable going into communities that werent familiar.
I fear that will only get worse if President Trump is re-elected.
Then someone describes how their heart is racing, jaws clenching and how this is so stressful.
We vow to start putting together a safety plan and placing items in our cars.
We agree to pray for peace.
12:43 A.M.: I am watching the TV showParenthoodto relax and escape.
This is one of my go-to shows that I love to rewatch.
There will be no Black people dying on this show.
2:30 A.M.:I finally drift off to sleep after a hot shower.
Each day someone or something nibbles at my attention and well-being.
I cant afford to get caught slipping because that could cost me or someone I love harm.
My emotional bandwidth is consistently tested as I move throughout the day.
So I find myself grasping for joy.
I look for value in what I give my time to.
Does it add or subtract?
I find myself having to constantly redirect my energy.
No to the news after a certain amount of time.
No to opening every inbox message someone wants to forward me.
No to scrolling through endless images of misery and anger.
No to TV programs that have excessive images of people who look like me being hurt or verbal violence.
This has been a hard day with an abundance of stimuli.
It helps me get through the hard times and have the hope and strength to take on another day.
…
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