Here, two sexual educators discuss the under-explored intersection of queer identity and pelvic-floor dysfunction.
Thats certainly been the case for both Hamel and myself.
Even so, the condition continues to impact our sense of identity.
Gabrielle Kassel:Clark!
You and I had been following each other on Instagram for awhile.
But it wasnt until I started sharing in my Stories about my hypertonic pelvic floor that we actually connected.
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Clark Hamel:Yep!
I felt so much relief knowing that other peoplespecifically other queer peopleexperience it, too.
But still, the sex was incredibly painful.
Can you share a little more about how you came into your diagnosis?
It was ultimately something else altogether that led me to a diagnosis.
I went to the ER and they did an internal ultrasound and found all this cystic fluid.
The emergency room doctors told me to see a gynecologist.
So, I went.
Yes, yes, and yes.
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GK:And from there, did the gynecologist recommend that you work with a pelvic-floor therapist?
I thought they would be all up in there, but that wasnt the case at all.
GK:I had the same preconceived notions about invasiveness when I first began working with a pelvic-floor therapist.
It freaked me out.
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After watching me move, she told me she suspected that I had a hypertonic pelvic floor.
She realized that I couldnt, and thats when I received my official diagnosis.
We did a lot of talking about how the pelvic floor works.
She described it in a way that allowed me to understand just how interconnected all that musculature is.
But it was the first time that I understood how crucial that was to my overall well-being.
When I receive penetration or sit to pee, I now practice breathing and relaxing into the moment.
She also suggested that I begin working withvaginal dilatorsto learn how to relax around something in my pelvic floor.
Using dilators definitely felt very clinical, but was a really important part of my recovery.
GK:Its been three years since I first received my diagnosis.
And for the most part, I have the condition managed.
My muscles are a lot more malleable and able to contract and relax and they used to be.
And it impacts who I am actively seeking partnership with.
CH:What youre saying makes a lot of sense.
My diagnosis has definitely affected things around my gender.
For me, theres this current of shame associated with my diagnosis.
I held in my peea lotand that required a lot of use of my pelvic-floor muscles.
And thats probably a component of why I have this condition to begin with.
In terms of how my condition impacts the sex I have?
Often, people assume penetrative play isnt on the table.
But I actually really like my vagina and often like to incorporate it into sex.
GK:These days, I have to give myself a lot of words of affirmation.
Ahead of most penetrative sexual encounters, I affirm out loud: I am bisexual!
I think people experience queer imposter syndrome or bi imposter syndrome for a variety of reasons.
And my pelvic-floor condition is just another one of the reasons that I experience it.
By actively affirming my own sexuality, Im slowly learning to stop those biphobic thoughts in their tracks.
CH:I love what youre saying about being able to affirm your sexuality for yourself.
I attempt to do the same.
And also, Ill say that trusting partners has been essential, too.
GK:I love that degree of communication.
CH:Its always wonderful to talk with you and connect with you on this topic.
GK:Likewise, Clark.
Interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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