Not all envy is created equal.
Here are the differences between benign and malicious envy, plus which key in spells trouble for friendships.
While youre happy for them, you also realize you feel something else: envy.
It typically stems from fear of being replaced.
Envy is the painful emotion you feel when you wish you had what someone else has.
Unlike jealousy, envy stems from desire, not fear, says Dr. Vinall.
doctor of psychology, licensed marriage and family therapist, certified EMDR practitioner, and the author ofGaslighting: A Step-by-Step Recovery Guide and Trauma Recovery Workbook for Teens
What is benign envy?
Benign envy, says Dr. Vinall, is rooted in personal security and self-confidence.
With benign envy, we become fixated on what others have and how they got it.
The primary difference between benign and malicious envy is personal security or insecurity, says Dr. Vinall.
When you are secure, others success is not threatening, adds Dr. Vinall.
What is malicious envy?
Alternatively, malicious envy isrooted in insecurityand shows up when we feel angry about the successes of others.
Instead, give a shot to recall a time whereyoufelt envious ofthem.
Being on the receiving end of envy can be a huge test of empathy, according to Dr. Vinall.
doctor of psychology, licensed marriage and family therapist, certified EMDR practitioner, and the author ofGaslighting: A Step-by-Step Recovery Guide and Trauma Recovery Workbook for Teens
If they contributed in any way to your success, communicate that with gratitude, she says.
That being said, Dr. Vinall says you shouldnt allow their envy to dull your shine.
If a friend constantly attempts to undermine your accomplishments, it may be time tore-think your relationship.
Know that it is not your job to manage others emotions, adds Dr. Vinall.
You dont need to minimize or hide your good fortune or accomplishments.
Consider the factors that led up to their good fortunes and where they are today.
Was it sheer luck, or the product of all their hard work?
Did they have access to resources you didnt?
Are they simply at a different stage in their career or life than you are?
Then get back to work at making your own dreams come true!
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