(Yes, even the most perfectly matchedzodiac signs fight.)
Something that can help?
Understanding the core reasons why couples argue in the first place.
Solvable problems result in picking fights that can be easily solved with a resolution, Earnshaw says.
Perpetual problems are fueled by certain underlying issues, needs, or experiences.
Elizabeth Earnshaw, LMFT, relationship therapist
Perpetual problems, on the other hand, result in circular fights.
life coach, trauma practitioner, and co-founder and CEO ofGrow Together, a coaching platform for new parents
Learn what they are below, plus tips on using this knowledge to navigate futurerelationship conflictswith your partner.
3 core reasons for arguing within a couple
1.
Grasping at that sense of control where you dont really have it can start or worsen a fight.
So, we seek it out at all costs.
It was their initial feeling of disempowerment, then, that triggered the fight.
This will also help you get better atcompromisingin a way that keeps disagreements from escalating.
When those needs go unmet, arguments can ensue.
Consider the example of someone trying to tell their S.O.
about their day and being met with little to no response, attention, or enthusiasm.
life coach, trauma practitioner, and co-founder and CEO ofGrow Together, a coaching platform for new parents
What this couple is really arguing about is: Are you really there for me?
Do you care about me?
Can I rely on you?
Naturally, that just foments more disconnection.
venture to lean into expressing how youre actually feeling, rather than pointing out your partners flaws.
When we feel disrespected or not recognized, it can create conflict.
Even small (but thoughtful) gestures of recognition can truly help yousave a relationship.
One way to do this?
He recommends being concise and avoiding vague, ambiguous, or generalizing language.
By the same token, its also important to seek the same kind of clarity from your partner.
If you dont understand something theyre saying, ask for clarification rather than making assumptions, says Dr. Chan.
Instead, wait for your turn to speak, and actively listen to what they are saying.
This way, you wont risk making assumptions about how theyre feeling that may not reflect their reality.
Dismissing your partners feelings or experiences can lead to defensiveness and resentment, says Dr. Chan.
And neither of those things is helpful for resolving an argument.
Frequently Asked Questions About Arguing Within Couples
At what point do couples fight the most?
Often, well start to unconsciously test each other to see if were making a good choice.
How often do healthy couples fight?
What we know for sure is thatnofighting at all is not healthy, says Steinberg.
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