A victim narcissist thrives off of making themselves the victim so you can manipulate others.
Look out for these eight warning signs.
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Because according to narcissists everywhere (and no matter whichtypes of narcissistsyoure dealing with!
), theyreneverthe problemeveryone else is.
REBT-trained therapist and senior associate therapist atGateway to Solutions
Whats behind their behavior?
And perhaps even more worrisome, what do you do if you think youre in a relationship with one?
Experts share all they want you to know about victim narcissists.
What is victim syndrome in narcissism?
A narcissist with victim syndrome wont accept fault even when its very obviously theirs to claim.
Doing so wouldnt fit the narrative theyre trying to portray.
Further, they resist feedback and constructive criticism, she adds.
Playing the victim also provides narcissists with the validation they crave.
Victimizing is just one way that a narcissist will use manipulation to keep their narrative alive.
REBT-trained therapist and senior associate therapist atGateway to Solutions
After all, having that reputation benefits them and allows them to continue doing what theyre doing.
They receive admiration and attention from others as a source of validation and self-worth, Jambazian says.
By portraying themselves as the victim, narcissists are also able to affect how others see and treat them.
Bonafede says the victim narrative ties into their manipulative behavior and feelings of grandiosity.
This gives them love and attention.
This helps the narcissist feel more important and valuable as the codependent prioritizes the narcissists needs over their own.
For better or for worse, the signs are abundant.
They blame others
This happens constantly, even with issues that they definitely created.
But on closer inspection, you may get a sense that somethings missing or not right.
Thats where it really gets tricky.
Its healthy for people to have friends of the opposite sex, for example.
But narcissists will claim that when its not true.
This goes for any instance of their abuse.
They dont take criticism well
As mentioned above, evenconstructive criticismwont do with narcissists.
As a result, you may have experienced many challenges in your relationship.
After all, a relationship withouthealthy communicationand feedback is a struggle, at best.
They refuse to take accountability for their actions
Gaslighting comes into play here, too.
They wont take accountability when you mention how their words hurt you, Jambazian says.
(On that note, a friendly reminder that your feelings are valid!)
They may also make you apologize and feel like the problem.
They engage in reverse projection and confuse you
Translation: A narcissist will twist the conversation, says Jambazian.
Do they often bounce between jobs, lose friends/partners, or have a difficult time achieving their goals?
She encourages you to pay attention to whether you notice these in the narcissistic person or not.
If a person never displays any of these three things, its highly likely youre dealing with a narcissist.
You may feel confused, hurt, angry, and a host of other emotions.
Bonafede encourages understanding that narcissism is a personality disorder.
Part of this condition includes a lack of recognition of how behavior affects others, she says.
Validate your feelings
This one may feel difficult, especially in the wake of the narcissists invalidation and manipulation.
It doesnt make you a bad person or partner, either.
Be firm about what behavior is unacceptable and prioritize your own well-being, Jambazian urges.
Consistency with boundaries is imperative as it teaches the person that you cannot be manipulated, Bonafede says.
Learn torespond to the narcissist versus react, she continues.
Create a mental and emotional buffer to protect yourself.
For starters, it may help to remember that their words and actions arent personal or on you.
you’re able to also try thegrey rock method,which basically means not engaging at all.
This will help you understand what truly is happening in your relationship with the narcissist.
Therapy can help in a multitude of ways, too.
Some databases that can help you find the right fit includePsychology Today,Open Path Collective, andTherapy Den.
Consider cutting contact
At the end of the day, you deserve to be treated better.
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