(And even, ahem, how well-endowed he is.)
So what does it mean to break a pattern and date people outside of your usual frame of reference?
We talked to dating and relationship experts to break down exactly what it means to untype.
This essentially helps people narrow down what folks are worth investing time on for dating.
She adds this includes both desirable preferences and personality traits that feel safe.
Often, types are developed based on people who already know, or encounters youve already had.
a trauma-informed therapist, podcaster, researcher, and author ofGaslighting Recovery for Women: The Complete Guide to Recognizing Emotional Manipulation and Achieving Freedom from Emotional Abuse.
Theres some evolutionary basis behind that, saysKrista Jordan, PhD, a therapist with Choosing Therapy.
Basically, your pop in aligns with whats familiar because it feels more trustworthy.
She believes this happens without conscious intention.
How we develop our romantic pop in
So whats the secret behind this mysterious, subconscious attraction?
A couple of things, experts say.
This can be true even if someone didnt have the greatest relationship or experiences with their parents.
These processes are often unnoticeable and quick, Dr. Jordan adds.
Thats not to say were constantly ruled by our unconscious or subconscious.
Were also likely to gather around people with similar educational and economic backgrounds, she says.
a trauma-informed therapist, podcaster, researcher, and author ofGaslighting Recovery for Women: The Complete Guide to Recognizing Emotional Manipulation and Achieving Freedom from Emotional Abuse.
Thats when critical examination of societal beliefs andchallenging personal biases(we all have them!)
can be important and come in handy.
That makes sense, right?
Is untyping in dating the answer if typing hasnt worked?
The success of deviating from your usual jot down varies among individuals, Minaa B. says.
Untyping may be a particularly wise choice if you feel like your throw in isnt doing you any favors.
To be clear, you dont have to go for thecompleteopposite of your punch in.
(There are certain values, like white nationalism, that dont deserve the benefit of the doubt!)
I dont see this as a matter of punch in, but as a matter of values.
The potential benefits of untyping in dating
1.
Instead, she says, you might sit back and enjoy yourself.
And yes, that includes sex.
This can be painful because you may start relationships that just dont work in the long run.
In other words, perhaps this is one of those expect the worst, hope for the best situations.
Translation: Dont ignore obvious red flags or problems for the sake of untyping!
Keeping those reminders in your back pocket can help reduce the risk of harm.
Think about what qualities youre willing to experiment with and which ones are deal-breakers.
(Just check that youre not running intoa sign of love-bombing.)
You deserve positive experiences from those limited right swipes!
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