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Less than five months after he died, I transported the chair 450 miles to my home in Dallas.
Megan Devine, LPC, is a psychotherapist and bestselling author of Its Okay That Youre Not Okay.
neuropsychologist and founder ofComprehend the Mind
Griefis a universal experience, and its pervasive.
Photos, videos, and shared stories can comfort those grieving the loss of a loved one.
We call these tangible items transitional objects.
David Kessler, is a bestselling author of Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief, and founder of Grief.com.
What are transitional objects?
It can be anything from a blanket, stuffed animal, to a pet.
Transitional objects can help someone remember who theyve lost by having a tangible thing that keeps them alive.
Yes, a pet can also be a transitional object (er, living being).
How transitional objects can help you manage grief
Easing grief through someones possessions isnt a new phenomenon.
The researchers explained that holding on to these items helped people maintain an emotional bond with the deceased.
By keeping my dads chair, Im not seeking independence from him.
Instead, Im relying on it to deal with theanxiety and feelings of griefaround our final separation.
They may think you should move on from your sorrow.
David Kessler, is a bestselling author of Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief, and founder of Grief.com.
He explains that we dont move on, get over it, and dont recover.
Grief is not like an illness we get over, he says.
Instead, we learn to live with it.
What Kessler often asks the bereaved whether an item in question brings them comfort.
InFinding Meaning, Kessler talks about his younger child Davids death.
The things that were important to his son are important to Kessler, and he treats them that way.
I feel like theyre part of the person, he says.
Recently, Kessler was sorting through one of Davids boxes and spotted his high school algebra book.
he felt he could let it go.
The bottom line: you dont have to hold onto every little thing.
That you dont need reminders of your grief.'
Just as every relationship is unique, so is every expression of grief.
That may mean keeping anything that holds meaning or eliminating most of what the person left behind.
In addition to my dads chair, Ive kept a few pieces of his clothing.
The one I wear most is a cobalt blue sweatshirt.
Ive rolled up the long sleeves and kept two pieces of candy he stashed in the left pocket.
I imagine his chair will always be the item that brings me peace.
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