It’s difficult to know exactly what to say to someone who has lost a loved one.
Start from a well-intentioned place of offering support.
Unfortunately, those responses arent usually the most effective.
It certainly is possible to offer effective support to folks who are grieving, though.
Plus, learn other tangible ways it’s possible for you to offer support.
Often, friends and colleagues feel a need to say just therightthing.
psychotherapist and author
People may fear saying something that could make the situation worse so they avoid saying anything at all.
Gina Frieden, PhD, trauma and loss expert
Take the pressure off yourself, Dr. Frieden says.
Often, friends andcolleagues feel a need to say just therightthing.
People may fear saying something that could make the situation worse so they avoid saying anything at all.
If you find yourself feeling this way, though, Opher says you’re free to say so.
Because that alone can effectively convey support.
Another option: Im sorry this is something I cant fix for you, but Im here for you.
Its important not to avoid the situation, but to take cues from the person, Opher says.
They may not want to talk about it all the time.
psychotherapist and author
So, how can you know how to proceed in a way thats actually helpful?
Ultimately, its best to take your cues from the griever, Dr. Frieden says.
People grieve in many different ways.
Some grievers might prefer to talk openly about the loss.
If so, listen without trying to fix or change the subject.
Just being present and acknowledging the pain is important.
They may find their own sense of meaning over time, but saying this can sound harsh and insensitive.
Encouraging someone who is grieving to keep themselves busy is also not supportive of their grieving process.
People need to work through painful emotions to heal, Morin says.
Distractions only delay the healing process.
Dont minimize someones feelings, Morin says.
Its okay for them to feel whatever they are feeling.
Morin also suggests changing the way you greet someone who is mourning the loss of a loved one.
Rather than asking, How are you?
as a greeting, you might say, Its so nice to see you.
You might also say, Ive been thinking about you, to let them know theyre on your mind.
How To Help Someone Who Just Lost a Loved One
1.
Offer to do specific things for support
This is a big one, experts say.
Bringing food and helping with childcare can ease anxiety during the initial transition after loss.
The ideal frequency for checking in comes down to the relationship you have with them.
A daily check-in can be appropriate for a close friend or family member, she says.
With a more distant friend, you might check in weekly.
Comforting someone who is grieving through text is another way to check in.
Dont avoid talking about the loss, she says.
Our culture often rushes grieving, but grief is a process and takes time, she says.
The holiday season may also be a difficult time for them.
And remember that everyone grieves differently.
Not everyone will want to express their grief to you, Morin says.
Conversely, someone youre not that close to may feel comfortable opening up to you more than youd expect.
For emergency situations when their safety is concerned, Morin advises contacting an emergency number.
Include contact information and phone numbers.
The key is ensuring they know theyre in charge of their care and youre just there to support them.
It doesnt happen in nice, neat stages, Morin says of grief.
Someone may mourn the loss of a loved one forever.
…
Got it, you’ve been added to our email list.
